if you open the hood, at the very corner on the passanger side, between you inner fender and the firewall you will see a small tank for your power steering pump. lift it up slightly and below you will see a bolt right in the middle of a big long plud. unscrew that bolt and the wiring harnes of the ECU will come out.
the ECU you remove from inside of the car (behind the glove box) and is held in there by a small plastic clip and some slide on (rail) retainers, but i dont think you need to remove the ECU...
these relays you got from the junk yeard, dont olug them if they are different part number. they shouldnt even fit in there. but i dont think it is a good idea to try them, even if they fit in the sockets.
and correct me if i am wrong, but if your fans are working with the jumper wire test, and you have 12v coming to the pins, and if with engine on you unplug the ECT sensor wires and fans are not coming on...there should be something wrong either between ECT -> ECU, or ECU -> Fuse Box communication lines.
why dont you just get the same new relays from a junk yeard and change them to rule them out 100%. I know you tested them, but...i also tested mine last week, worked fine and my car was still overheating...