ok guys - those who came to the meet saw my new lady friend Laura


We have been dating about 2 months now (known her for about 2 years) and lets face it - I love her. Shes totally not what I look for physically in a woman (I mean I find her totally attractive - but shes far form the skinny brunette I usually go for) but I still love to be with her. After a night of dancing and then a good cudle movie we talked and we are both in this for the long run (im excited!)


anyway - since she would never even think to look on CEG lets hash it out. I know shes quiet around new people, its because she likes to observe, and you all didnt get to really talk to her but what did you think?

Shes 25 - im 26 we both graduate in Aug, she has a car that runs . . .


Anyway - id like to have a guys discussion (and Taylor if megan chimes in too thats ok)

Long haul = marriage?
or
Long haul = get a little more serious as a couple?

2 years as friends is a good start. 2 months of dating is a good start, too. However, 2 years as friends certainly don't correlate to 2 years of dating. You have to know eachother mentally as well as intimately. (No, you don't have to have sex to know if you're going to be intimately compatable.)

There's nothing wrong with finding other women attractive, you just gotta make sure the woman you're with really get's you goin. It keeps you reading the menu...but coming home to eat. That's all I've gotta say about that.

I thought it was cool that she'd come to the meet with you. That says a lot, especially since she's not a car buff. It shows that she's into you. I don't blame her for not talking too much...it'd be like any of us dudes going to a bridal shower or baby shower. Though conversation with her was brief, I could tell she's intelligent, witty, and very personable.

I hope that helps. I think it's a good thing you're both in it for the long haul.

thanks derek

Yeah long haul as in looking towards marriage but taking our sweet time getting there.


I agree on all of those levels you talked about, I think that a couple should relate on four levels: Mental, Physical, Emotional, Spiritual.

If one of those doesnt work then I think its going to be a very tough time. We get along great so far, and to be sure it was her I wanted and not her body I didnt kiss her for almost a month when we started dating. We talk all the time, hours at a time, we go on drives so we can be alone and let loose and vent to eachother or talk about expectationes etc. We both have met each others parents before so no pressure there, and hers are flying in this next weekend to see her show. She is so thoughtful that she set up a shooting date for her dad and I next saturday morning, because we both like to shoot and she says her dad relaxes more at the range and would be funner to be with there.


Anyway - I ahve to be to work in 6 hours so im off to bed (my own BTW)

sounds awesome man. One thing i'l recommend is that if you haven't told her how you felt, hold back on it. As much as you would love to tell her, and it's natural to want to express how you feel... it sometimes pushes a woman away. Usually its best to wait until she says it first. I know I absolutely don't know her, but remember, you guys were friends way in the beginning. You should keep that as a "foundation" for your relationship. You already understand each other from that point of view, and it might be one of the reasons why you're together now. But keep her on her toes, and don't wuss out! (being a nice guy). Sure all that "nice guy" stuff is nice, but girls kinda get tired of it after a while, so stay away from giving those kinds of gifts (flowers, candy, etc.. etc..). In fact, just continue how you were as a friend, but find a way to maintain that attraction that got you 2 together. in fact, being 'Cocky and funny' is something that almost never fails. This is just my opinion, and what works for me and my current g/f. She and I have been dating for about 2 months as well, and since I kept up what i was doing from day 1, and tried my best to never be that "nice guy"; she admits to being "in love" with me. Girls kinda like that challenge of trying to break a guy down, and turning him into a "wuss". once that happens though, they kinda get bored. So yeah, just keep up what you're doing, and don't give in to that "nice guy/wuss" stuff! Let her admit things first, if it hasn't been done.

Does this make any sense on what i'm typing? I'll try to reiterate if you need me to. Again, i don't know the full story, but its something i'd do.

Ren

I'm sorry man, but that's gotta be the worst advice ever. That's not advice for "how to keep a relationship going" and especially not "what to do when you're considering marriage."
IMO, you gave advice on the topic of "How to get in the sack with that chick you met at the party the other night."

There are much better ways to maintain excitement and spontaneity in a relationship besides "being cocky" and playing games.

Yeah, not the best advice IMO for anything long term. What would you end up with playing games and projecting uber-cockiness? Loose the game playing and tone the cockiness down to natural confidence, and you've got a foot to stand on. Though perfect advice for when you're pretty tanked and trying to bag the bar-coming ladies out there, which I'm SURE Scot is soooooo into

Scot, she's really cute and seems like she would have a good sense of humor. The fact that she openly came to a car meet is a good sign. She's interested in knowing what you're into, and that's always important for many reasons. One of them being that she'll know when to let you go do your own thing if it's not her cup of tea, or at least find that she's interested in the same thing.
If you're doing the same, I'd think you both are on the right track.

Well Scot...I agree with you on the 4 levels.

I think a relationship NOT founded on lust is VERY important. Lust wears off...in any circumstance.

Love is a different beast...of course you need to find her attractive. But think about ugly people....seriously though... they are still attracted to something...and not just ugly people...but I truly believe the more you start caring for someone...be it ugly, hot, "just a friend" whatever.... those feelings develop...

PS this is just a reply to you saying she isn't what you had pictured yourself going after...that's all don't read into it anymore than that. I am not saying anyone is ugly...etc.

Finding that perfect girl is awesome, and congrads. I was engaged for 3 months when we had that HUGE fight, you know a breakup fight. We talked all night and were both willing to hear each other out. That night we realized we could get through anything together and it brought us so close together, there was no doubt in both our minds that we could make it. I know this sounds weird and all, but if you can make it work through the tuff times, the great times are just that much better. We had a very trying 1st year of marriage because I was gone for the first 6 months of it, but it was the dating and relationship before we got married that made the difference.
Remember to take the big M slowly, dont rush into anything. The way I look at it, is you have all the time to get married, but once your married that's it. I never see divorce as an option. Once again Congrads and happy Courting. -B.

good advise so far guys,and I agree with most of it (besides the cocky part - thats just not me and I dont play games because I absolutly HATE them). Taylor - no worries I know what you were talking about.

Laura and I talk a lot. We talked today for about an hour after watching a movie. I really like that I feel I can be honest with her.

I am a super slow mover, but when the train comes in you get on it, you dont wait. I have strong feelings for her and she for me. We just need to ride this train a bit and see where it takes us.

Originally posted by Derk-xB:

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I'm sorry man, but that's gotta be the worst advice ever. That's not advice for "how to keep a relationship going" and especially not "what to do when you're considering marriage."
IMO, you gave advice on the topic of "How to get in the sack with that chick you met at the party the other night."

There are much better ways to maintain excitement and spontaneity in a relationship besides "being cocky" and playing games.

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I'm not saying to play this "game" or anything. I'm giving my opinion on how i'm maintaining MY relationship in MY way. I really care about my girlfriend, and she knows it as well. But I am merely stating my opinion on the topic, and I'm speaking in my experience through what I'VE learned through my own relationships. If you want to disagree, that's fine with me as well. Again, all that i mentioned, i stated it was MY opinion. If you guys have your own ways of maintaining a relationship, that's fine. You can call it games as well, but again, that's your opinion.

The part where I really wanted to have you notice, was about using your friendship as the foundation for your relationship. You can understand each other better in that manner, except now you've got that "connection" as well of being more than friends. Keep that trust as friends going, and work with it to help your relationship.