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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,166
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 2,166 |
Originally posted by Helen Keller:
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
- Zack
WANTED: T-Red HEATED Side Mirrors
FOR SALE: 4 14" Alum Alloys and Nearly New Avid H4s Tires w/ Center Caps
2000 T-Red SVT
1995 LX V6 MTX (RIP)
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 669
Veteran CEG\'er
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Veteran CEG\'er
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 669 |
I would suggest that you leave her for awhile. Simply tell her that you are there for her that you love her but the drugs are not acceptable, tell her that you realize that its is an addiction however your not watching her slip up anymore, tell her its your way or the highway and man you have to if you love her you have to do this, stay away from her until she either a) hits rock bottom or b) gets into rehab and i mean 30-60 rehab she is definitely going to bring you down in the process these people could care less about anything except for the next rock. She me cry and whine and tell you she slipped but according to your writeups she is beginning to get hooked again this is bad news, she will eventually lose her money, job, anything thats worth selling, then she will move on to stealing from you or selling your stuff etc. Its an evil evil evil drug and there is know way that you sitting around rubbing her back saying its ok will work, she needs to be inside a rehab centre for a duration, or she needs to go out lose everything and then go to rehab, I'd advise you man to step back and look at the situation, take the lvoe outa it for a bit, sure you love her however if you do love her you need to let her go. If its ment to be she will heal herself and come back. If not there are plenty of women out there. Stand up for yourself and get angry with her, tell her one more time and your gone. At first she won't care she will just get more crack but maybe just maybe she will decide that she needs to get help. NO ONE CAN CURE AN ADDICT< THE ADDICT HAS TO WANT TO CURE THEMSELVES! THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WILLING TO ASSIST ADDICTS TO ACHEIVE THIS!
1999 Mystique Sport 2nd owner bought it in Sept 03
120000km 4 door, leather, loaded pics on cardomain, coatsy
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 467
CEG\'er
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CEG\'er
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 467 |
All I have to say is that you need to pull your emotions and deal with this as a serious problem. You can help her get better, but you can't go down with her. Ultimately relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. Make her understand that she has to get clean as her contribution. Tell her you will be there for her, but not for the addiction. She has to want rehab. Tell her that it is ultimately very simple: Something is leaving her life and she has to make the decision on what it is.
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,676
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,676 |
I have a good freind.... one of my best freinds, and his mother in addicted to crack. I know this isn't the same situation, but she tells him one thing and then does another. His life has been messed up because she has been doing crack since the early 90's, off and on, but never a good mother. I would say stay a good freind, cut the relationship, let her know you are there as a freind, but not as a lover or that kind of relationship. Do you want to deal with that the rest of your life?
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,127
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,127 |
Originally posted by JaTo:
Trust in God, but know that God helps those who want to help themselves and sometimes not even then.
Jato, you are a smart man, and I agree with most of what you say.
I disagree with this last sentance though. God helps those who let him help them. Most of our screw ups are because we are trying to help ourselves.
I do agree that loving boundaries need to be set. You can love someone, and still not be taken advantage of.
I still love my wife very much. And because I love her, I give her more and more freedom. I pay fewer and fewer of her bills every month, letting her get a bigger dose of reality.
She is in this fog of saying she can't trust me, while I get these letters from her lawyer asking for thousands of dollars to pay her legal fees.
The hardest thing for anyone is to see another person we care about, whether we've known them for two months or two decades, engaging in self destructive behavior, and not want to rescue them.
However, sometimes, we need to let them crash and burn, and be there when they do turn to God.
But you have to set those boundaries first, and I say by all means pray about what those boundaries should be. God will give you the answer, in His still small voice. Check the answers you get against scripture to be sure it is God speaking to you and not Satan nor your own mind.
For instance, I hear my wife say all the time that it is ok to divorce, because God wants her to be happy. Yet, I search my Bible and I don't find that in there. I do find where divorce is allowed for infidelity, or if an unbelieving spouse chooses to leave, then you are to let them go. However, I find no where in the Bible where it says if you are not happy, then end the marriage.
I do read all sorts of passages where God says he hates divorce. (Malachi 2) I also read the story of Hosea and Gomer, where God calls Hosea to stand for his marriage after his wife Gomer leaves him and joins with other men.
We are often called to do things that the world finds difficult to swallow, or understand.
Why?
Because God loves to make the impossible happen. I believe in a God that doesn't know the meaning of the word impossible.
TB
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,211
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,211 |
Man I can only tell you what I would do........
Personally I couldn't handle it. I'm 100% against all narcotics and they have and will never have any part in my life. I would leave her. There's nothing left to say. Not only could her addiction get her killed, but she could very well wrap you into this and you could get in seriouse trouble with the police or her drug friends just by associating with her. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but this isn't what you need in your life. Once you are addicted, you will forever be an addict. No matter how long they go without their fix or how clean they stay, they will always have the itch.
Also if you are dead set on staying with her and helping her through this, I believe you are going the wrong way. As stated before I would leave her, however if you will not budge from her side then you must take action. You get her into a clinic and show no sympathy. You can't show sympathy to her AT ALL. Yes she may need you through this hard time in her life, however you don't need her addiction and she isn't willing to give it up for you. SHE ISN"T GIVING IT UP FOR YOU. As long as this last she will forever have the "addiction" excuse every time she goes on one a binge or lights it up RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. I"m not trying to be an ass or anything, but you have to be made aware.
As far as you should be concerned, she made the decision between you and crack when she went back to crack and left you. I truelly feel bad for you. I know how it feels to force yourself away from someone who you truelly love, but its something you MUST do. She chose crack Johnathan.......She chose crack over you.......
If you really wanna see someting that might help you, I recommend watching Requiem For A Dream . IT can be an eye opener. I wouldn't have sat here and wrote this if I didn't feel so strongly about it. This isn't your addiction, its her's. I pray that you do whats best for yourself man.......
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,676
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,676 |
Originally posted by BOFH:
God helps those who let him help them.
This is all too true.
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