Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests Need prayers and words of encouragement/advice

First, I'll start off by saying that this is a personal life experience of mine that is tormenting me emotionally. Second, I'll say that this post is going to be long. And I'm sorry, but I've found that there is a good group of people here to vent to. So here goes...

Alright, I met this girl at school. We've seen each other everyday and night for about the last 2 months. (minus 2 or 3 days)so obviously I have grown very very close to this girl. Maybe love even. Okay, this girl, we'll call "B" has a shady background having to do with drugs. She used to smoke crack.(now I know what you're thinking automatically... You're now picturing a crackhead looking girl.. Erase that image, seriously, erase that image.. She is one of the most beautiful girls you have seen. Honestly, she is gorgeous, which is even more heartwrenching) But on with the story. Now, I've known about her drug past. She has been very open and honest to me about all of that. She has a therapist whom she sees about once a week. Her and I have talked about her past, and she has been doing so good at staying clean. Ever since I've been talking to her, she has not smoked crack. She has even went as far as to say that she hates how she is when she is on it, and she has just been so strong. She has woke up with cravings, yet fights them, and goes back to sleep. Since I've known her, she has been so strong, and her therapist has helped her greatly, for he has been through the same thing only about 50 times worse. And he is now a counselor. Well, today, she slipped. She smoked crack again. When she told me that she did, I swear to God, my heart broke into a million pieces. She has been so strong. Now in the past I've asked her, I would say, if you fall back into that, do you want me to stay or leave? She said that she wanted me to stay. I am going to stay and try to help her through it. Now I know that I can not help her if she doesn't want to help herself, but I am going to do all that I can. Today, when I was around her, she went downstairs at the dudes house, and I got in her phone and got out her therapist's number, b/c I didn't know what else to do. Now, I have never talked to him, and he has never talked to me, nor have we met, but I know who he is, and he knows who I am, because of "B". So I go back downstairs, and am sitting at the table....(I go to this guy's house in hopes of getting her out of there.. this doesn't happen) anyway, I'm sitting at the table, and she lights up the crack in front of me. I just got up and left, I didn't say anything.. Just left. From there, I called her therapist, obviously upset. I got his voicemail, and told him who I was, and what happened. He called me later tonight, and I was talking to him, basically asking him what I should do. He said, that he figured she slipped back into that b/c he called at 1200 and she didn't answer nor return his call. He told me to just give it a few days, and call her. I have never talked to this guy up to this point, but he was so cool. He just said, Jonathan, you may not realize this, but you are a godsend to her. So obviously I mean a lot to her, b/c she tells him about me. Anyway, she knows how I feel about crack. I hate it. She told me earlier in the day, that she was going to stay over there for a few days, :::crack binge::: The therapist said that I should just give her a few days, and then call her. He told me, "Jonathan, no matter how hard we try to help her, she can only help herself." I just thought I would get on here, and basically ask for some words of encouragement, b/c this is killing me inside. I'm sorry for bringing all of this negativity up, but I just need to hear something to help me through it. I'm in love with this girl, and I can't just leave her. I want her to know that I truly do care about her, and that I am going to be here through all of this. But I can't go through this everytime she decides to smoke... I'm sorry guys/girls.. I just need prayers for myself, as well as "B". - Jonathan

Crackheads are bad news. Stay away.

Damn man good luck.. just sit down and try to figure out if it worth being with her or not. I never had to make a decision based on drugs but i have for other reasons. Only you know what is gonna make you happy.. The hell with everyone else. Make your self happy, and good luck

But I mean, it's not impossible for her to change. Just look at her therapist. I think that if she just has the right people around her it would help. And I know somewhere down inside, she wants to change. I mean, she was doing so good. Damn......

Are you in "love" with her just because she's hot?

Baggage = bad. I say stay away before you [censored] your life up too. I was in somewhat of a similar situation at one time, it's hard to change people, real life isn't like the movies. Thats my $.02...



EDIT: Oh ya, sit her down and make her watch A Requiem For a Dream .

Thats a tough one dude. If your doing all this just for the poonie than get rid of her. Bt if you do love this girl and want to be there for her (it will be tough, long journey) than stick it out. 95% of people with addictions have a relapse at sometime ( my own number, I don't know the stat). I would just play it out for now, if she hits the pipe more than it may be a lost cause at this time in her life. She will choose when to quit.

My brother did coke for a while. It was impossible to be around him and even now that he stopped, I still don't say more than hi to him. Bad stuff.

Well... I'm going to get on my soapbox for a bit. Please forgive me if I offend anyone.

First off, two months is really not enough time to be seriously involved with anyone. I agree there are people you bond with, and people that you feel like you've known forever. It's still not a serious relationship.

That said, why are you with her? Take a look at yourself, take a look at her, and take a look at the two of you together. I mean, really look. Assume nothing. Consider the good, the bad, and the ugly. Use this to make a fresh decision if you want to remain with her.

What kind of therapy is she in? Is it a drug recovery program? I would consider participation in some dedicated ongoing drug recovery program a non-negotiable. I would also recommend participantion in a program for those close to addicts (like Narc-Anon).

I would really think long and hard about staying with "B", but if you stay with her now... make sure it's her last chance. If she does not get help and sticks with the program... you're gone.

What's up with people asking if it's all about "the action?" He's obviously concerned...

Anyway, you've got to do what you can. No more should be expected of you. When she's done digging a few more feet of her grave, let her know how you feel w/o beating around the bush. Let her know exactly how you felt when you saw her suck that sh|t into her body.

As you've stated - you can't make her change. All you can do is set a good example and be a nice big shoulder to lean on when she needs it. But, tell her it's either you or crack. No in between. Lies will not be tolerated. If she'd rather get high than hang with you, that's her loss.

Drugs are some amazingly powerful things. Don't underestimate them, don't kid yourself. Do what you can to help, and you'll be a better person.

How's that for encouragement?

Derk.. Thank you.. Everyone else, thank you. No, obviously I care about the girl and it's not just for the sex. When you are with a person everyday at 12:30 to 1:30, and then everynight from 6:30 to 12:30,for over 2 months you tend to begin to care an awful lot about them. I just talked to my mother, and she is extremely religious, she prayed for her and me. Now some of you may not be religious, but as my mom prayed, in the beginning I just wanted to begin to cry b/c it hurts so bad what I am going through,(as my mom said, I get extremely depressed very quickly) but as she prayed, she prayed that I would just lose the depressed state, and it's amazing, I didn't have the feeling to cry anymore, I just began to feel peace inside. I just ask for any of you that are religious, just please pray for myself, and "B". And please just pray that the awful people in her life will somehow disappear, like the man across the street, where she is right now. He is the one giving it to her. It's sad, he used to be extremely rich, now he is on that and he is slowly losing everything. I'm sorry if I'm turning this into a religious post and if it offends anyone. It's like my mom said, I've been put here to help people through their problems b/c that's what i seem to keep calling her about is me helping other people. I've just got to be strong for myself, as well as her. Thank y'all....