First, I'll start off by saying that this is a personal life experience of mine that is tormenting me emotionally. Second, I'll say that this post is going to be long. And I'm sorry, but I've found that there is a good group of people here to vent to. So here goes...
Alright, I met this girl at school. We've seen each other everyday and night for about the last 2 months. (minus 2 or 3 days)so obviously I have grown very very close to this girl. Maybe love even. Okay, this girl, we'll call "B" has a shady background having to do with drugs. She used to smoke crack.(now I know what you're thinking automatically... You're now picturing a crackhead looking girl.. Erase that image, seriously, erase that image.. She is one of the most beautiful girls you have seen. Honestly, she is gorgeous, which is even more heartwrenching) But on with the story. Now, I've known about her drug past. She has been very open and honest to me about all of that. She has a therapist whom she sees about once a week. Her and I have talked about her past, and she has been doing so good at staying clean. Ever since I've been talking to her, she has not smoked crack. She has even went as far as to say that she hates how she is when she is on it, and she has just been so strong. She has woke up with cravings, yet fights them, and goes back to sleep. Since I've known her, she has been so strong, and her therapist has helped her greatly, for he has been through the same thing only about 50 times worse. And he is now a counselor. Well, today, she slipped. She smoked crack again. When she told me that she did, I swear to God, my heart broke into a million pieces. She has been so strong. Now in the past I've asked her, I would say, if you fall back into that, do you want me to stay or leave? She said that she wanted me to stay. I am going to stay and try to help her through it. Now I know that I can not help her if she doesn't want to help herself, but I am going to do all that I can. Today, when I was around her, she went downstairs at the dudes house, and I got in her phone and got out her therapist's number, b/c I didn't know what else to do. Now, I have never talked to him, and he has never talked to me, nor have we met, but I know who he is, and he knows who I am, because of "B". So I go back downstairs, and am sitting at the table....(I go to this guy's house in hopes of getting her out of there.. this doesn't happen) anyway, I'm sitting at the table, and she lights up the crack in front of me. I just got up and left, I didn't say anything.. Just left. From there, I called her therapist, obviously upset. I got his voicemail, and told him who I was, and what happened. He called me later tonight, and I was talking to him, basically asking him what I should do. He said, that he figured she slipped back into that b/c he called at 1200 and she didn't answer nor return his call. He told me to just give it a few days, and call her. I have never talked to this guy up to this point, but he was so cool. He just said, Jonathan, you may not realize this, but you are a godsend to her. So obviously I mean a lot to her, b/c she tells him about me. Anyway, she knows how I feel about crack. I hate it. She told me earlier in the day, that she was going to stay over there for a few days, :::crack binge::: The therapist said that I should just give her a few days, and then call her. He told me, "Jonathan, no matter how hard we try to help her, she can only help herself." I just thought I would get on here, and basically ask for some words of encouragement, b/c this is killing me inside. I'm sorry for bringing all of this negativity up, but I just need to hear something to help me through it. I'm in love with this girl, and I can't just leave her. I want her to know that I truly do care about her, and that I am going to be here through all of this. But I can't go through this everytime she decides to smoke... I'm sorry guys/girls.. I just need prayers for myself, as well as "B". - Jonathan
