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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,631
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 1,631 |
Originally posted by Buckshot77:
BBorges,
As another who has been there, it is a completely different thing when it is happening to you. I'm in agreement with Jato, but at the same point, it's a lot easier to say then do.
Rick
you are right. that's what I tried to say. And I am also going thru that, for the first time, and I know how difficult it is to "apply" reasoning.
Anything is POSSIBLE... sowing the seeds of love"
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 7,431
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 7,431 |
Tony,
You have got to be the most optimistic, trusting person I know if your words on this forum are anything remotely compared to your actions in life. I can't even imagine the amount of contstraint it would take for me after finding out something like that.
I do find it surprising yet soehow correct that you find relief now that you know the truth. It seems it wasn't your fault nearly as much as you make it out to be. At the same time, I don't know how compelled Lori is to rekindle the relationship ... as you very well know, it takes two to tango.
I hate to be pessimistic here, but if you do happen to get back together (which would be wonderful), I recommend that being the one and only second chance. Should this situation repeat itself, it's time to get out for everybody's sake. I've seen married couples that keep divorcing and getting back together again; it really messes with the kids' minds.
Good luck. I know you're going to pull through no matter what the outcome.
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,127
Hard-core CEG'er
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OP
Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,127 |
I'm with you on that, I have some pretty strict rules about how the relationship will go. There are certainly some trust issues. She will need to account for her time quite a bit, her cell phone, checkbook etc must be completely open.
I will offer her the same thing, as I have nothing to hide.
But most importantly, she must be able to share her feelings with me so that if she does feel like I'm not meeting some need, she comes to me about that need instead of looking for it elsewhere.
But she does have to admit her wrongs and repent before any of this will work. I believe I've done the same, and the final two pieces are for her to do the same and both of us comitt to working on the marriage.
She doesn't come home until she can do that. Right now she probably can't because some part of her thinks that what she did was ok because she left the house.
TB
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,127
Hard-core CEG'er
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OP
Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,127 |
There will also be some medical tests involved.
TB
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 2,100
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 2,100 |
Originally posted by BOFH:
There will also be some medical tests involved.
TB
Originally posted by BOFH's wife:
Ohhh no not the anal probe again!!!
Beaten - 2003 MazdaSpeed Protege 29K <- broken hearted
Daily/Weekend Beater - 1990 miata 138K - AutoX every weekend = Adult driven on weekends
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,127
Hard-core CEG'er
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OP
Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,127 |
Oh Ouch, don't make me laugh. Laughing and coughing are two things that still hurt.
TB
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 235
CEG\'er
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CEG\'er
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 235 |
Originally posted by BOFH:
Jato,
I don't blame myself, I totally hold her accountable for her decisions. I agree with you 100% it is her decision and she has to deal with the consequences.
But I must also face the fact that my inattention was a contributing factor.
That is a far cry from blaming myself, more like an after action review. A mistake will never make again.
TB
You are right. I think you are in a pretty good place right now. I like the fact that you are willing to take some responsibility for your actions and admit that it may have contributed to the problem. I hope you can work it out with her because I get the feeling that her needs were not being met in the marrage. If you can come to terms with what happened and you realize that you really care for her and she believes that you have changed then there is hope. Best of luck buddy!
2000 Black CSVT
MagnaFlow resonator, SHO/K&N cold air intake
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 235
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CEG\'er
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 235 |
Keeping mind I am assuming that she cares about you and can get past her own issues/hangups about the relationship. If it doesn't work out move on and enjoy life, and if it does do the same.
2000 Black CSVT
MagnaFlow resonator, SHO/K&N cold air intake
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,127
Hard-core CEG'er
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OP
Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,127 |
Originally posted by andymel:
Keeping mind I am assuming that she cares about you and can get past her own issues/hangups about the relationship. If it doesn't work out move on and enjoy life, and if it does do the same.
This is very true...
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 116
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CEG\'er
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 116 |
Originally posted by BOFH:
I went through my server logs...
 I think if I were her I would make sure there are no strange cables attached to the keyboard of my computer, I bow to your mastery of the art of the B that you take as your namesake.
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