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Perry et al.

Don't get me wrong, I will support my daughter, I simply will not support my wife's love nest. That is the point I'm making here.

I've already said there is no reason for my daughter to stay with her in a sole custody type arrangment. She is the one setting the bad example, and she should consider herself luck that I don't see sole custody for myself citing the affair as evidence that she puts herself before the kids needs.

Of course, she can avoid all of that heartache today by turning away from him, getting into counselling, etc and putting that much effort into our marriage.

The child is not a bargaining tool, I need to look out for who is setting the best example, the best role model for our child.

TB

Also, if I may be so bold:

One person's spiritual or moral fortitude can NEVER be attributed to another person's actions or inactions. Inattention on your part just isn't an excuse for your wife to pack up and hop on the nearest "fun stick", especially considering that marital vows that were undertaken between you both. I'll not even get into the blatant disregard for the family well-being and mental/emotional stability of your children that was brought into this due to a reckless affair...

...so STOP blaming yourself. Why?

One person cheated here, one person sold out the core trust of a relationship, one person threw everything away by making a haphazard choice.

From my understanding of things, it certainly doesn't appear to be you.

Again, best wishes.

Jato,

I don't blame myself, I totally hold her accountable for her decisions. I agree with you 100% it is her decision and she has to deal with the consequences.

But I must also face the fact that my inattention was a contributing factor.

That is a far cry from blaming myself, more like an after action review. A mistake will never make again.

TB

I'm not quite sure what to say Tony, in fact, I REALLY don't know what to say other than good luck and I honestly hope that this will work out in your favor, whatever the conclusion may be...

-John

Tony - You really are in the shizzle lately , aren't you ?? I just want you to know that I'm pulling for you & hoping that you'll find solace somehow , someway . Keep your head up & always try to stay positive in all you do . Hopefully , sooner than later , you two will come to some kind of accord .

ALSO - glad to hear that the operation went well - get better ASAP .

I think I have been hiding under a rock...

Anyway, I was raised by a single father, and I think I turned out rather well (or I may be a bad example and be frightening you beyond belief).

That said, if this comes to a divorce, and I cannot say it will or it won't, I do not believe in joint custody arrangements. I would go for full custody, being willing to allow her generous visitation. I believe for legal reasons as well as parenting ones, there needs to be a final say.

I may fall outside of the general point of view, but I come from being brought up from young childhood in a single parent home. I truly believe a joint custodial arrangement is not capable of providing the stable environment a child needs.

The most important thing is that your daughter is in a stable loving environment.

Man oh man, I've missed a lot over the past few months.

Tony, I hope everything works out between you and your wife. I hate to see someone(her) ruin the sacrament of marriage when all it needed was a little grease in the wheels.

Good luck, and keep in mind that you have the CEG on your side.

-Pete

God bless you in this time, Tony. You'll be in my prayers.

Tony,

Beyond the issue of children, it would seem we are tiwns in this situation. It's a tough road to hoe anyway you look at it, but you're doing great so far.

If it comes about to be anything like mine, don't be surprised if this guy ends up just being a user and once he gets what he's after, taking off. In the meantime, hang in there, still do your part on working on things with your wife and show her that you've overcome your downfalls of the past and if she's wise, she will realize the errors of her ways and return to work on things. In the meantime, prepare yourself for a whole new set of rollercoaster emotions because you may know what is happening as far as her seeing someone else, but now the rest of the nagging questions start. Drop me a PM if you need anything.

Rick

I will be praying for you Tony, this is a crazy situation and time. Hopefully both your wife & the other man will come to their senses and knock this off.
God be with you.
Renee