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The irony is insanely thick here. Accusations and anger flying about from a spouse that initiated and took part in maritial infidelity...



You are a better man than I am, Tony. I may question your sanity for wanting to repair things when you've had your trust totally obliterated due to this, but I certainly don't question your integrity, forgiveness or fortitude. You seem to have it in aces.

My tolerance for that type of crap is damn-near zero and if I was in your shoes, the papers would be filed and I'd make her sleep in the bed that she made (no pun intended) and not a DIME of mine would she ever see.

I guess my totalitarian viewpoints come from seeing more than a few friends and people I care about go through situations like this. Nothing was salvageable in most cases, but best of luck if you are still striving to keep the marriage intact.

Agree completely with JaTo. I would be gone in no time. No way I would ever forget such a thing. I would never trust again. Once a cheater always a cheater in my book. I know we are supposed to forgive and forget but something like that is always going to be burned in my brain. The thought of my spouse with another would just light me up.

BBorges,

As another who has been there, it is a completely different thing when it is happening to you. I'm in agreement with Jato, but at the same point, it's a lot easier to say then do.

Rick

Tony, I've sat back this whole time and never really said anything. But I think that from being a divorcee myself, I am somewhat qualified, to put my $0.02c in on your situation.

You are truly to good for Lori, and it seems like she refuses to accept responsibility for walking out on you and hopping into bed with another man, and a married man at that!

You have to ask yourself - do you REALLY want her back? I mean putting aside the children for a second, could you look into her eyes again and feel the love you had for her when you proposed to her way back when? I know I couldn't. How could you ever be intimate with her again and not resent her for what she did?

My ex tried to get me to take her back in the 11th hour of our divorce proceedings, but I knew she had been sleeping with another guy (and a tool at that). Just the thought of her giving herself to someone else while we were still married sickened me and I stood firm and told her "NO WAY!"

In the end it was obvious that we were not meant to be with one another, because if her eyes wandered so easily before, it would surely happen again, and I was not going to let myself suffer those consequences EVER again.

Tony, take you daughter and move on. Forget your cheating spouse, she is not worthy of you - regardless of how you may have withdrawn yourself from her prior to her leaving.

The fact of the matter is that you did not stray, she did. And in my eyes, she's tainted because of that.

Be strong and know that there are many of us here that feel for you and have you in our prayers.

There are children involved, so I cannot just walk away lightly.

I'm not a saint either, and I simply want to give it another go before I call it quits.

She can't just come home, we are going to negotiate. But first I have to listen to her. She really is hurting man. I know I am too, but underneath all of that, there is still love. We just need to rekindle that love.

Gentlemen, read the story of Hosea and Gomer in the Old Testament and then come back and tell me you don't understand.

TB

i'm also in agreement with jato but i understand what buckshots saying too and i truely dont know. on the other hand i'm also a cold hearted scournful SOB when someone betrays my trust so i applaud you for having the testicular fortitude to try to fix this. best wishes man.

I applaud you for making the effort to repair the marriage and not take the divource route. Your wife should have made this effort when she realized she had a problem before she went off to "fill a void" and forget the vows she made on your wedding day.

I may have a more worldly view of marriage than most people here, and I do believe that it is a contract between two people. The people determine the terms.

If two people agree within the relationship that it is OK to play around, that is their business. That agreement appears to have most definitely NOT been made in this case.

I believe forgiveness is a part of any human relationship, so if this were a an activity involving a couple nights or a weekend here and there, that's forgiveable to a limited quantity.

However, playing around does not mean you actually start building a relationship outside of the marriage. This falls beyond even an open relationship, much less the exclusive commitment you made.

That said, I will not say whether you can or should forgive her. I am in no position to make that decision. My only advice is to leave your daughter out of the decision. The worst thing you can do is to stay with her for the sake of children. Do you think you can have a marital relationship with her again? Do think you can build trust with her again? Do you think you can recapture a special relationship with her again?

Consider those questions carefully. Although I consider marriage a lifetime commitment, my advice it to reevaluate whether you want to be married to her, to make a new promise to her.

The children have no place in this decision. The decision regarding the children comes AFTER you decide on the marriage.