Aaron et al.
My pastor recommended the same book, so I'm going to pick it up today.
I've been a reading fool, and I'm trying to absorb and act on all of these thing I'm learning.
I don't know if I've said it here, but it seems Wednesday is the day she is planning to start the move, as it is the 1st of October.
I'm at peace with that and plan to help her move. Regardless of what happens, I do love her, and will not continue to be a selfish bastard, just to get my way.
The number one conclusion I keep coming to is that I need to put God back in charge of my life. He was in charge when I met her, and that was the man she was attracted to, so I have to return to being that "Man of God"
Number two, I need to trust God, that his will is what is right. This is hard for me, because I feel responsible for what happened. (Not totally resposible, but I am taking full responsiblity for what I did or how I reacted to what happened, is happening. There are things she can change too, so don't anyone think I'm beating myself up, because I'm not. I think I have a healthy self critique and am in contact with people I trust to make sure I'm not running myself down.)
I plan to help her move, and to provide support for her and our daughter.
I've started working out again, I've gone back to the doctor and am getting my hernia repaired (after the move, so I can help her) and I've plugged back into the church and have joined a Men's Bible study with accountability partners so I can have others hold me responsible for the promises I've made.
I've given her my pledges to change in writing, and asked her to comment honestly on the things I did to make her feel bad. Sort of a homework assignment that I can do while she is not here 24x7.
I've attempted to make contact with a former fiancee who I now know why she left me. I want to apologize to her and get some feedback from her to let her know that I now get it, and want to thank her for teaching me that lesson, but that it took me some 15+ years to get it. (I also want to see her baby pictures as she is now married with a 3yo, IN ALASKA of all places...)
I've called Lori's parents and apologized to them for treating their daughter in such a fashion as she feels this is the only solution. I've asked them to be honest with me and hold me accountable to the promises I've made. I think I've made it perfectly clear that I'm not trying to get them to side with me, but rather that I want to win back their daughter more than anything in the world, I understand that they have to be loyal and look out for her best interests, and that I hope I can count on them to make sure that I am doing the same thing.
I've come to peace with her going. Like I started with above, I have to trust that God is in charge, and he will make sure the right things happen in all of this.
I simply want to ask that you folks who are still praying, keep praying, as I want God to protect Lori, Chelsea, Camryn and even me, as we are apart and I can no longer protect her and the girls from a distance.
Thanks,
TB
