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There could be a lot of causes. Maybe like Bob pointed out she might see marriage as a temporary thing. It seems cold hearted and cruel of her to leave and that is why I said maybe she has found someone else.
Maybe she is depressed and feels that leaving will make her feel better. People often blame other people for how they feel.
There has to be something causing her to want to leave. If she is depressed maybe she is blaming you for her feelings.
Maybe she has not found someone else, that was just a thought because I know so many people that this same thing has happened to and that was the reason.
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Originally posted by BOFH:
Originally posted by cpurser:
So did she not say anything to you before this bomb? She should have talked to you about this before telling you she is leaving. Maybe she is wanting to get your attention.... looks like it worked.
It is very cool you are taking this to God. That is exactly what you need to do. Good luck.
I'm not the most compassionate or considerate man around. Nor did I pick up on the signals. Now that she tells me what I should have been looking for, it is very clear, but I didn't see them for what they were, nor did I try to find out. (Selfishness, I suppose.)
Thanks,
TB
I agree with perry, there is a definite lack of communication. You said, "Nor did I pick up on the signals." She should have done more than give you signals if things were bad enough for her to leave. She should have sat you down and explained to you what was bothering her and given you a chance to fix it.
Chad Purser
2002 Lexus IS300
5-speed manual
formerly '98 Silver SVT
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Originally posted by Trapps:
Tony,
I have travelled some very rough roads in my 10 years of marriage. If she's ever thought about making a move, i was unaware. What I do know is it's a constant challenge to have a good marriage. Here's the rub, both people have to work for it. The commitments you are willing to make, and then follow through on, must be met by her. I hope for the sake of all involved that things work out for the best.
Mark
Thanks,
I value your advice. I know she too needs to commit to making this work, and I'm afraid that she is not willing to do that work right now, I just don't know.
Today I've been at great peace, and then at other times, I'm just fuming mad. We talked about one of the events that lead up to this and that was buying a new home. We need a new home, but I thought she was showing homes that I couldn't afford to buy, so I wasn't really motivated.
Well, she just shut down and took it as I didn't want to buy an new home. Now this happened like 4-6 weeks ago, and I'm just now finding out she felt this way. Of course I told her then in my own way, by saying something to the effect of "when are you going to show me homes we can afford?"
Well, instead of saying that given what you said you want to spend, these home DO fit in that price range, she just took offense. I supposed I should have trusted her, but then she should have clarified that they WERE in that price range.
That is just one example, and I know things lead up to that, and I was pretty insensitive to her need/want to get a new home. However, I think she was TOO sensitive to my comment. Or at the very least, she should have asked for clarification. But then so should I.
I better stop writing about that, because I'll get worked up again.
I finished my first workout in a long time 
We went to seperate YMCA gyms 
TB
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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I am so sorry to hear about your pain. Have you thought about dating again?!? I mean have you thought about taking her to the movies out to dinner. In life we sometimes take others for granted and dont appreciate what we have. In a marriage often people continously fight over the same things. Do you remember what it was like when you were dating? The feeling of never wanting to be apart of calling just because you were thinking of the other? Every day stress and drama make us lose sight of that. Every woman wants to feel special wants to feel important. Maybe the drama of every day life has taken that away. God is the most important part of this. I dont personally know your wife so i dont know if sending her gifts calling her sort of RE-dating will look like a genuine or a desperate attempt to win her back but in a relationship you have to keep it "Fresh and sexy" Meaning having one night out without the kids, without worrying about the mortgage or the every day drama might help. Im not saying this will be your quick fix but maybe it will help you and her realize the reason you love one another so much to get married and make it last this long. Your in my prayers.
lina
tired of the bs
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Originally posted by linabby:
I am so sorry to hear about your pain. Have you thought about dating again?!? I mean have you thought about taking her to the movies out to dinner. In life we sometimes take others for granted and dont appreciate what we have. In a marriage often people continously fight over the same things. Do you remember what it was like when you were dating? The feeling of never wanting to be apart of calling just because you were thinking of the other? Every day stress and drama make us lose sight of that. Every woman wants to feel special wants to feel important. Maybe the drama of every day life has taken that away. God is the most important part of this. I dont personally know your wife so i dont know if sending her gifts calling her sort of RE-dating will look like a genuine or a desperate attempt to win her back but in a relationship you have to keep it "Fresh and sexy" Meaning having one night out without the kids, without worrying about the mortgage or the every day drama might help. Im not saying this will be your quick fix but maybe it will help you and her realize the reason you love one another so much to get married and make it last this long. Your in my prayers.
lina
Already been tried, she wants space, and she has essentially said that it's TOO MUCH, too late right now.
I think she is afraid I'll talk her out of this. She has NEVER lived on her own, since she moved out from her parents home into our home, after the wedding.
So, I'm trying to look at the positive, I do think she is being somewhat selfish, and I've told her that. Our teenage daughter thinks she is being selfish as well. (Lori told her tonight what was going on.)
Poor child, she is torn up by it. I told her, not matter what happens, do not blame herself and do not hate either one of us, we both love each other, and simply disagree on the way to solve the problem.
TB
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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Originally posted by perry:
Quote:
Nor did I pick up on the signals.
Originally posted by BOFH:
there are things I want her to correct, but she has to come to that conclusion herself.
What we got here is a failure to communicate.
Perry,
I've told her in plain terms before what I want. Now isn't the time to dump on her. I did tell her I thought she was being selfish and she agreed, but she felt it was what she needed to do for now.
I cannot will her to change, she has to want to do that herself, much like I came to that conclusion about me.
Regardless of the final outcome, we will both be better people because of it, and God willing, we will be together too.
TB
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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Even if she leaves and moves out on her own shes still your wife. Maybe redating when you dont live together is the good too. She wants space. Maybe just to get her head straight. Leave your fate up to God.
lina
tired of the bs
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Originally posted by linabby:
Even if she leaves and moves out on her own shes still your wife. Maybe redating when you dont live together is the good too. She wants space. Maybe just to get her head straight. Leave your fate up to God.
lina
That's the hardest part, I feel responsible, and I want to fix it.
I know it takes two...
Going back to sleep now.
TB
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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For those of you praying out there, it was brought to my attention that I didn't give "My Wife's" name. For years, I've referred to her simply as "My Wife" or the childrend as "My Kids" well, this takes away from their identity, so you can change your prayer score cards to include our names:
Tony, Lori, Chelsea and Camryn the youngest.
Also, this is where TLCC2000 comes from in our domainname.
Thanks for your prayers, and we still need them, so we all are seeking God's wisdom, strength and advice in this difficult situation.
TB
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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