Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests I need your help **My Heart is Broken**

Wow, Tony, I don't know what to say. Definitely remain in the counseling for your sake and hers; I know the professionals would have better and more definitive advice. Awesome that you are willing to recognize and change things around; hope she will realize that. Give her her own space that she needs in the next few days and weeks ... the getting together once in a while thing is an excellent idea. Hopefully though it won't have to happen at all, as there is at least one more week before things happen. Good luck.

Tony, I am so sorry to hear this. I do feel where you are coming from though. We too have neglected God in our family for far too long. I mean, we pray before dinner, and we talk about God, but we haven't been to our church in a while and all.
Best thing might be to let her do what she thinks is necessary. Ride it out, pray alot. That's all you really can do. My husband and I have been together three times. It took alot of praying to get us back together and alot of trying. We are making it work, and we are both learning how to compromise. It's hard, but we are doing it. Our biggest problem is that we both want to be in charge in the relationship, neither wants to give a little or share. We are both learning very quickly that's not going to work. So lately we have been about sharing. My husband is finally realizing that yes, he may be the only working parent in this family, but I do have a ton to do at home. I homeschool our 11 year old, take care of our 17 month old, as well as trying to keep the house cleaned, food on the tables, and the fridge full. He's realizing what he needs to do to help me, and that he doesn't get the run of the house just because he's the man.
I just pray things work out for you and your wife.

Tony, I'm truely sorry to hear about this. I hope everything works out for the better.

The only advuice I would be able to give you is to let things be as they are. She said that she feels that she needs to leave to see if she truely needs to be with you. Then that's exactly what you should do. Let her do what she feels is the correct action, no matter how wrong it feels to you. I firmly believe that part of loving something is letting it go. If something it meant to be, then it will happen. I know you want to have a say in the matter, but I think you should just let it be... if it doesn't happen, then it wasn't supposed to happen.

I hope everything works out for you, and stay strong.

Sorry to hear your problems...

You say you are willing to "come clean". I don't understand what you have done wrong, other that to be consummed by daily trials and stress. Who isn't from time to time? Are you leaving something out or am I missing something? Not to imply what someone else here did with indescretions.

I find the comment that she won't go to worship trobuling. Are you of different faiths? Or just different denominations? I should clarify that. Being raised a Southern Baptist, I damn near see Catholicism as a different faith. Has this been a root of your problems? The differnences in churches is the big reason i search faith on my own, I know it can be a divisive issue between people. May God give you both wisdom.

There's a lot of info missing here, not that it's anyone's business, but I think that communication, the lack of, is the issue. I will tell you this, a seperation will NOT solve that. You need a professional third party. If you take this to a minister, please be sure they are educated. I have nothing against ministers without an education, but those with a degree in the mininstry usually have some training in consueling.

Good luck to you, man.

I got paged and the service was called off. Well I'm caffiened up, so here I am.

She was up when I got back, seems she couldn't sleep very well. That concerns me a bit, but then there probably is a lot on both of our minds.

She didn't want to talk and I didn't want to push it (like I usually do) so I just let it go.

I just wanted to clarify something above, when I said I can't make her happy, that is not putting either one of us down. I believe that no person can make the other happy. One has to choose to be happy. I can do things that lead to her choosing to be unhappy or I can choose to do things that lead to her choosing to be happy.

I'm still, very much, a logic driven person, I don't always trust that I can read the feelings on display. Or I read too much into it.

Can anyone say analysis paralysis.

Well, I'm going back to working out today. Either way this turns out, I need to get back into shape. For me, because it will help me sleep, work out my stresses, and just improve my health. For her, because when we met, I was BUFF Baby!!! I was working out 6 days a week with three days of aerobics a week, a 60 minute step class and a 30 minute abdominal class. The other three days were weight training with nautilus equipment to improve strength and tone. I took Sunday's off to rest.

I stopped doing that when I was diagnosed with the testicular cancer back in 1993/1994 and never really got back on track.

I've already started losing weight, but not in a healthy way. I really have no appetite right now and have lost about 8-10# in the past two weeks. So now I just continue the progress, but in a healthier fashion. I'm just under 250# for the first time in a long time, and 220# would be just about perfect for now.

I've got to do these things either way. I've become lazy and complacent in so many ways in my life, and the alarm has gone off.

I've been hitting the snooze bar for a while at the very least, or I've not heard the alarm until now.

Well I'm awake and alive and ready to start over again.

TB

I hate to hear about your situation. I went through the same thing 3 years ago. I am a christian as well and at the time I didn't think it would happen to me, but my worst nightmare at the time happened. We got divorced with two kids involved in the marriage. I prayed, and gave it to God. And like a lot of people have said, the other party has to want the marriage as well. One thing I have learned is you can't make a woman do anything. I believe a lot of people gave you a lot of good advice and I say Amen to a lot of things said because I went through it. One guy said that it was probably another man, and one person jumped on him about it. I didn't think it was another man, but found out later that it was. Not to drag this out, but I think you are doing the right thing. It sounds like you have a good support group, you are talking, and most of all praying and requesting prayer. You are not placing blame and saying he said she said. Just stay close to God and try to keep your marriage together. And if it doesn't workout, keep close to God and never let him go. I believe a lot of people really feel for you and know what you are feeling because unfortunatly this happens far to much. It really really hurts because you really love your wife and you want everything to workout, but know one can soothe your heart like the Lord. If you stay close to God and do everything YOU can, everything will workout fine. You may not see it right away and the hurt and pain may not go away quickly, and then again maybe it will! One thing is for SURE, God takes care of his own. Remember this, never make hasty decisions. I will definitely pray for you!

Tony,

I have travelled some very rough roads in my 10 years of marriage. If she's ever thought about making a move, i was unaware. What I do know is it's a constant challenge to have a good marriage. Here's the rub, both people have to work for it. The commitments you are willing to make, and then follow through on, must be met by her. I hope for the sake of all involved that things work out for the best.

Mark