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Originally posted by DanLeCompte:
Originally posted by 7999:
Most of the time when a woman moves out it is because she has found another man. You could hire a Private investigator. Has she been spending a lot of time away from home?
I would guess that she has found someone else if she wants to move out. Good Luck. There are more fish in the sea.
Way to be trite about his devastation  His heart is broken and you're telling him to go find someone else. He repeatedly said how he wants to do anything to fix his marriage. I'm in awe of how ignorant/inappropriate your words are. Maybe he should go get a hooker to ease his pain too
Tony, our prayers are with you. The only thing you can do is give it to God.
I told things the way I see them, like it or not it is probably the truth. If you are a tender hearted little girl who can't handle the truth then that is too bad. I'm not here to impress you. 
I hope things get better for Tony but he needs to find out the truth. Something does not sound right about the story and I still think she is leaving Tony for another man. Its harder to deal with things when you don't know the truth.
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I had a friend in a similar situation a few years back. He did a rather interesting thing:
He wrote up a contact stating what he would change, given that much of the marital issues were of his own making. I'll not get into the specifics, but he put this in front of his wife, signed it in front of her, had her co-sign it as a witness and they've never looked back, because he's followed it to the letter of the law and has been a much better husband and person for it.
The only reason I even knew about it was that he kept it mounted and framed in his office and I asked about it one day.
To him, talk and promises were cheap, as he'd broken so many to his wife and to himself in the past. His thoughts were if he had to stare at a list every morning when he went into his office and every afternoon as he left it, the promises he made would not be forgotten.
Just an idea here. God Bless and best wishes.
JaTo
e-Tough Guy
Missouri City, TX
99 Contour SVT
#143/2760
00 Corvette Coupe
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So did she not say anything to you before this bomb? She should have talked to you about this before telling you she is leaving. Maybe she is wanting to get your attention.... looks like it worked.
It is very cool you are taking this to God. That is exactly what you need to do. Good luck.
Chad Purser
2002 Lexus IS300
5-speed manual
formerly '98 Silver SVT
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Hard-core CEG'er
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OP
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Originally posted by JaTo:
I had a friend in a similar situation a few years back. He did a rather interesting thing:
He wrote up a contact stating what he would change, given that much of the marital issues were of his own making. I'll not get into the specifics, but he put this in front of his wife, signed it in front of her, had her co-sign it as a witness and they've never looked back, because he's followed it to the letter of the law and has been a much better husband and person for it.
The only reason I even knew about it was that he kept it mounted and framed in his office and I asked about it one day.
To him, talk and promises were cheap, as he'd broken so many to his wife and to himself in the past. His thoughts were if he had to stare at a list every morning when he went into his office and every afternoon as he left it, the promises he made would not be forgotten.
Just an idea here. God Bless and best wishes.
I've offered to do something similar. I've offered to stand before her family and re-affrim my love and devotion to her. Offered to come clean and apologize publically to them for helping make their daughter/sister so sad.
I've offered to speak with her friends, good Christian friends. My best friend is a minister, and while she would find a hard time believing this, he could be very impartial, if not harder on me, than on her.
She hasn't gone yet, and it will be hard for her as she is accustomed to a pretty nice life. Her sub 20K salary will not get her and the girls much of an apartment, but I don't want her to feel that she needs to do this.
I need to just depressurize because me desire to work this out will simply drive her out sooner.
But I was willing to stand before God, Family and Friends and pledge my vows to her, and I'm man enough to say what I screwed up and how I plan to put it back together.
She has it in an e-mail, and if she wants my signature on it as well as a witness by my minister friend, I'll give that to her.
But right now, I just need peace in my heart, so I don't drive her out.
Thanks,
TB
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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Originally posted by cpurser:
So did she not say anything to you before this bomb? She should have talked to you about this before telling you she is leaving. Maybe she is wanting to get your attention.... looks like it worked.
It is very cool you are taking this to God. That is exactly what you need to do. Good luck.
I'm not the most compassionate or considerate man around. Nor did I pick up on the signals. Now that she tells me what I should have been looking for, it is very clear, but I didn't see them for what they were, nor did I try to find out. (Selfishness, I suppose.)
Thanks,
TB
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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Trust me I fully understand how you feel, tomorrow is my 1 year anniversary of my divorce  All i can say is trust God, he knows the result - and he knew what would happen before it even started. Although my life took a turn I had not expected, A LOT was revealed to me during the whole process... Rely on your family and friends, and pray for God's will in your life - many a famous person or leader went through tumultuous times in their lives not unsimilar to your own... stop and read the book of Job tonight, it always helps me when I felt like life was crashing down... you definitely have another person praying for you now...
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I wish you the best of luck and I hope you two can work something out and be happy again. I understand how you feel, because I went through something very similar a few years ago.
You show a willingness to make up for the past, and be a better person in the future, Im sure she will realize this and come around.
-Ken V.
1998.5 SE Praire Tan Zetec ATX
psycho_bass@hotmail.com
Roush springs Roush rear sway bar BAT struts 17" Millie Miglia HT3 and a ton of subtle asthetic mods
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I don't know what to say. I feel for you though and hope that things work out for the best, whatever that result may be.
Scott
Troll! '99 BMW 328i
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I would say get the book "If Only He Knew" by Gary Smalley. You will probably find out things you were doing wrong that even your wife may not have been aware of. It will help you understand your wife and teach you how to treat her better. And it does it from a Biblical perspective. I would also recommend it to all the men on the boards. Good luck
Contour--It will make a master mechanic out of you!
95 LX MTX Bolt-ons
95 Neon SOHC ATX
77 Dodge Powerwagon-more displacement than my Neon, Contour, and wife's Saturn---combined!
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Thanks for all of the suggestions. She looked at apartments today, but told me that it would be at least a week before anything happened. So in essence she said she is still watching up 'til she does or does not move.
I just pray for the kids sake that we can work out something so they are not uprooted.
This is the most definate information I've been given as she knows this bugs me greatly.
I simply asked her to continue to observe my improvement, and I know pray that I can be at peace, so I don't stress out myself, or her.
There is hope, just pray that I don't screw it up again, and that she can be understanding and patient with me.
For those of you who think I'm a wimp, there are things I want her to correct, but she has to come to that conclusion herself. Just like I finally came to my senses and realized (probably only some of) what I was doing wrong and I finally decided change was in order. She too must decide if she is willing to accept this and also work at the relationship.
She knows there are things that set me off, I need to be less sensitive, and she needs to help by not stomping on those landmines.
But I am ultimately responsible for my future with her. I have faith that she will give me a fair chance, because I wouldn't have married her if she wasn't fair.
I must now re-enter with confidence and compassion regarding her and our future together.
Gentlemen, she is worth fighting the good fight to keep her by my side.
So gentlemen, (and any ladies tuned in here) pray that I do what I said, and I'm much more sensitive to what she needs.
TB
Last edited by BOFH; 09/21/03 02:45 AM.
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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