Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests I need your help **My Heart is Broken**

I know many of you get tired of some of the soap opera's here, but my heart is broken, and I need some help and prayer.

My wife told me two weeks ago she wants to move out.

I didn't see it coming. Mostly my fault as I've been pretty selfish and wanted many things my way.

I've been pretty angry and bitter and frustrated for the past year or so. I've not been getting along with my step daughter.

I had no idea how bad I hurt her, and what I was doing to her. What I thought were suggestions about better ways to do thing were interpreted as criticisms of faults. So obviously, something was lost in the translation from man to woman.

It was never my intent to hurt her feelings or to invalidate her in any fashion. But she has taken what I've done in just this fashion.

Well I see it now, but she says it is too late, and she wants to move out for a while. She is not talking divorce, yet, but she does want to leave for a while. My fear is that she will not want to come back.

I want to show her that I get it, and that I want to atone for my neglect.

It just seems she has hardened her heart against this, and will not entertain any other solution.

I've seen a counsellor about our relationship with Chelsea (step daughter) but she is not willing to enter counselling with me. She will not sit down with any other people to consider other solutions.

I don't want her to leave, but I don't want her to put me through some sort of test to see if I can win her back.

I've not been the spiritual leader I've needed to be in my home. Worshiping God has taken a back seat to day to day living. This was wrong, because we both met in a church, and based our relationship on this. She will not even entertain going to worship again. Seems I chose the church we went to, and it didn't meet her spiritual needs.

God, how could I have been so blind to what I was doing to her, and to what I didn't give her.

I gave her much, but it seems little of it was what she really wanted or needed.

Now she is telling me she wants to see if she needs me by leaving for a while.

This frustrates me now because I do get it, and want to fix what I've broken.

I was breaking her heart, and I didn't even realize I was doing it until now.

I feel pain, guilt, shame, anger, frustration, hopelessness, despair. I also know that with work we can turn each of these feelings into pleasure, happyness, satisfaction, hope and joy.

I'm under 250# for the first time in a long time, because I have no appetite.

I understand why she is reluctant to trust me, I've not been the most loving and considerate husband for the past 7 years. I would just like the opportunity to make up for that without the threat of tearing our family apart.

It's a control thing for me, I feel I have little say in the outcome if she leaves. I believe that if she does do that, it is a threshold she cannot or will not return from.

I ask for three things:

1. Pray for her, I'm certain she is in as much pain if not more than I am. How we each got to our pain was very different. For her, it was 10000 pricks of a needle. For me it is a sudden knife to the heart, that I really did not see coming. So pray for her that she can forgive me and let me make up for what I've done and more importantly, what I've not done.

I think this is key, that she find it in her heart to forgive me. I'd like her to believe that she can do this without leaving, but if she does leave, that she can see that we are still a good team that just needs some practice loving each other again.

2. Pray for our children, this will be very hard on them. Chelsea and I have made a lot of progress in the past few weeks, and I think of her as my own daughter. We've had our moments, but we've also accomplished a lot. Camy is almost 5 and I'm not sure she understands what's going on, but she does know that something is up.

3. Finally, pray for me that I can honor the comittments I've made, both my initial wedding vows and my renewed comittment to love her like she really deserves. I want the opportunity to demonstrate this first hand, and the opportunity to fix the mess I've made.

Thanks for letting me dump my heart here on the CEG.

TB

Man, that sucks.


I dont like giving people advice on their life (i have enough trouble organising my own), and i dont know if you wanted replies or just wanted to empty your sadness / frustration, but perhaps giving her that time "away", if she decides she MUST leave for a while, kindly suggest that you see each other for a short period every few days (at church / a movie / a meal) just to spend some time with each other and try and work things out.


Good luck.

Im extremely sorry man... that's a rough situation

I think that docjames' advice is good

good luck, and stay strong in faith!

I don't know what to say, Tony, but I hope things work out for the better.

Well man, I will definitely add you, your wife, and your situation to my prayers. As a small side note I have to say how cool it is to me to see a man being this open about all this AND about how he's turning to God for some help. Very Cool. That being said, docjames has some good advice I think about seeing each other a little bit even if she does decide to go for a while. beyond that, I have no real advice I guess except to take it to God in prayer yourself, truly seek His will on the matter. Maybe talk with your pastor about it as well, perhaps he/she will have some more good advice for you. I wish you all the best, and i'll be prayin for you all.

Most of the time when a woman moves out it is because she has found another man. You could hire a Private investigator. Has she been spending a lot of time away from home?

I would guess that she has found someone else if she wants to move out. Good Luck. There are more fish in the sea.

I'm truly sorry for your troubles Tony. Thats awful news. Hang on.

Wow! This totally came out of left field. Sorry to hear this Tony.

I will pray for you Tony, but don't worry too much as this is a very common situation these days.
My advice, based on experience, is counseling. Try and convince her to change her mind about this. However, again based on experience, this ONLY works when both parties are willing to listen and follow the advice of the counselor.
Also, the one key issue that each person must realize is that marriage is a constant compromise. Each must be willing to bend to the other and be accepting (to a point) of the other's ways and needs.
Children complicate the matter and they often suffer the worst. They may need some counseling also.
Perhaps your church offers some free counseling service? Otherwise the both of you should go and see a pro, your wife willing.
The best of Luck...let us know if we can be of further assistance.