Had a buddy that had a Colt Defender and I didn't think it kicked that hard but the first gun I fired as a kid was a .357 so I don't really worry much about recoil I guess. If you can find a good compact .40 that is the way I would go. Can't think of any compact models off the top of my head and its late so you'll have to look but a .40 is a great round for a few reasons: Doesn't kick as hard as the .45 but still has almost the same amount of knockdown power, and its cheaper to shoot.
Personally I would go for the Defender as it's a sweet gun BUT if you are even a bit worried about the recoil find someone who has one that you can shoot first. You don't wanna spend that kinda cash on a gun that you end up being afriad of or unable to properly shoot for whatever reasons and you definitely don't want to be carrying a gun under those conditions.
I'd check into the baby glocks also. Glocks are very nice pistols.
'00 Blk CSVT #1087/2150 built 12/23/99
