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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 371
CEG\'er
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OP
CEG\'er
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 371 |
Q: What do you do if your wife strays 10 feet from the kitchen?
A: Show her the way back, she must be lost.
Q: What do you do if your wife strays 10 feet from the kitchen?
A: Shoot the [censored], she's getting away
Q: What do you do if your wife is 5 feet out of the kitchen?
A: Damn! I should've gotten a longer chain
Q: What does WIFE stand for?
A: Washing Ironing [censored] Etc
Q: What do a woman and a toilet bowl have in common?
A: Without the hole, they're useless
Q: What's the definition of a woman?
A: Life support for a vagina
Q: Why are woman smarter during sex?
A: They have a genius plugged into them
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't, there's a clock on the oven.
Q: How many men does it take to mop the floor?
A: None, it's a woman's job.
Q: What do ya do when your wife tells you to replace a lightbulb?
A: Screw the [censored], she can do the dishes in the dark.
Q: How are women like a postage stamps?
A: You lick 'em, stick 'em, and send them away.
Q: How are women like floor tiles?
A: You lay 'em once and walk all over them the rest of your life.
Q: What's the extra skin around the vagina called?
A: The woman.
Q: Why do women get periods?
A: They deserve them.
Q: How many men do you need to open a beer can?
A: None, the [censored] who brings it should have opened it too.
Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
A: They don't have balls.
Q: Why do women have orgasms?
A: It gives them something to moan about.
Q: How are women like bowling balls?
A: You finger them, throw 'em down the gutter, and they come back for more...
Q: How many male chauvinistic pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Let the [censored] do it by herself.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny, OKAY!?!
Q: What is the difference between a terrorist and a PMS woman?
A: You can negotiate with the terrorist.
Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: Who cares? What the hell was she doing out of the kitchen?!!
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: Put a windshield in front of her face.
Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.
Q: Why do women change their minds so often?
A: To keep them clean.
Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q: Besides "I love you", what three words does a wife want to hear most?
A: "I'll fix it."
Q: What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her
Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told her twice
Q: What is the difference between a brick and a woman?
A: A brick doesn't follow you around after you lay it
Q: What do woman and spaghetti have in common?
A: they both squirm when you eat them
Q: Why do women wear white on their wedding day?
A: So they will match the stove and fridge!
Q: Why do they call it PMS?
A: Because Mad Cow disease was already taken
Q: Why haven't women been to the moon ???
A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!
Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: They think we care
Q: What's a surefire way to make a woman orgasm?
A: Who the [censored] cares?
Q: Why do women wear white on their wedding day?
A: So they will match the stove and fridge!
Q: Did you here they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the sink
Q: What's the worst part of getting a sex change from male to female?
A: When they remove half the brain.
Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.
Q: How is a woman like a laxative?
A: They both irritate the crap out of you.
Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Q: Why were shopping carts invented?
A: To teach women to walk on their hind legs.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
Q: Do you know what it means when you come home to a little affection, a little tenderness, and a little sympathy?
A: It means you're in the wrong house.
Q: How do men define a 50/50 relationship?
A: She cooks/I eat; she cleans/I dirty; she irons/I wrinkle.
Q: What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
A: 1.No mind. 2.No business.
Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?
Q: If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you, what have you usually done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.
Q: What do you call a woman with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: Why do Japanese Sumo Wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
Q: Why did the woman have two black eyes?
A: She had to be told twice.
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.
Q: How are women like paper cups?
A: Both are disposable.
Q: Why do women like intelligent men?
A: Opposites attract.
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost her mind?
A: A widow.
Q: What do you call a man who loses 150 lbs of useless fat?
A: A divorcee!!
Q: How many women does it take to paint a wall?
A: It depends on how hard you throw them.
Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told!
Q: Why does it take four women with PMS to screw in a light bulb?
A: Because it does, alright!?!?
Q: What's a mans idea of helping with housework?
A: Lifting up his legs so the woman can vacuum.
Q: Why did God create women?
A: Because a beer can't cook supper!
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,023
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 2,023 |
-Giovanni
One turbocharger. Two intercoolers. All love.
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 225
CEG\'er
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CEG\'er
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 225 |
 oink..oink
 "SOMETIMES IT TAKES PAIN TO MAKE THE BRAIN WORK HARDER"
M.O.B
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,578
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 2,578 |
Must be the feminist in me, but you put some of those jokes in there at least twice.......what's the matter......can't read or count?? BAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, now THAT was funny. Actually, I did like most of those. 
2004 Ford Freestar V6
Boogity Boogity Boogity, Let's go racin Boys!
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 371
CEG\'er
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OP
CEG\'er
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 371 |
Originally posted by MrsFurby72:
Must be the feminist in me, but you put some of those jokes in there at least twice.......what's the matter......can't read or count??
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, now THAT was funny.
Actually, I did like most of those.
Actually, I just cut and paste it. Don't blame me dear, And shouldn't you be in the kitchen, Not on the computer? 
JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,812
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,812 |
hahaha, those jokes were great. I put a bunch of them in my AIM profile. YEah.
1999 Black SVT
"If I were an admin I'd ban you without a second thought. " ~Trapps
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,521
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,521 |
Chris G.
~ 98 Mystique LS ATX
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 8,301
Addicted CEG\'er
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Addicted CEG\'er
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 8,301 |
LOL!!!
-Ken V.
1998.5 SE Praire Tan Zetec ATX
psycho_bass@hotmail.com
Roush springs Roush rear sway bar BAT struts 17" Millie Miglia HT3 and a ton of subtle asthetic mods
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 9,442
Addicted CEG\'er
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Addicted CEG\'er
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 9,442 |
Cute
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 3,627
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 3,627 |
damn tim... your an assshole... but a funny one at that... where did you get those.... that was the best reading I have had in a while
Trollin the boards as of 9/23
Originally posted by GS474:
stock hp is never enough
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