Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests Whats my problem? Mental? Depression??

Whats my problem?

I've battled depression before and it was probably the darkest time of my life. It was back in High School. I was always a B student, hardly ever missed school and excelled at sports and music. Then one day, over the summer, something tragic happened. I don't want to say what, but I'll just dance around it like a politician. Basically, it was a quiet room with about 30 of my closest friends. We were taking the big FINAL of this class; I was 15 at the time. Something happened to me that was devastating. Everyone else forgot about it 30 minutes after the class was over, but I can't get over it to this day. It has tore me up, ripped me apart and I just can't get over it. I did pretty bad my first year of college then I worked this last year. I MUST return to school this fall and it's what I want to do. The anxiety I feel just thinking about school is horrible.

When it was time to return to school that fall, I thought everything was great. Well little did I Know I was messed up. The first class I had was Consumer math with a lot of older students, students that intimidated me. As soon as the bell rang and it became quite, it started. My palms began to drip with sweat, I felt like I was running out of air, my stomach was twisting and turning and I felt like I was going to pass out. I just couldn't take it anymore; I asked to go to the bathroom and went home. It was like this ALL year long. I just could not go to school. My attendance was horrific and I received a few mandatory F's for it. This got me depressed because I really wanted to be at school. I missed my friends and all the activities I would miss out on. So, I went to see a psychologist. He put me on an anti-depressant called Paxil. The medication helped a little, but made me very outspoken. I started doing things I would have never done. Looking back now, I think I was too immature to handle the medication. So, I quite taking it and struggled through high school. At one time, I was on the honor roll and dreamed of being class president like my dad, but my “problem” would not allow me this pleasure.

It's time to move on with my life and I would really like that. I think I have an issue that will stop me from being successful. It seems like every time that I'm faced with being in a quite room such as taking a test, job interview, or doctor's office, I freak out. The panic attacks come up and I sometimes end up leaving or avoiding the situation. One example of me avoiding this is when I signed up for the ACT thinking that I need to take this to get into a four-year school. Well, after paying my 25.00 dollars, I ended up not going because the thought of that hot, small room filled with people freaked me out. This is what scares me, not matter how much I want something, if it scares me or makes me think I'll have a panic attack, I will just avoid it.

This is why I'm asking for your opinions. I want to go to school and have a very successful career, but this issue won't allow that. I've tried getting over it myself, but that's just not doing the trick. Do you think it's time I see a doctor again? Or am I just screwed? All of this has got me very depressed, I hardly have energy to do anything anymore. All I do when I'm not working is sit on my butt and think of things I should be doing. I know I need help, but where do I start? I just want to get better and live a life. I'm smart enough to do anything I want. Doctor, lawyer, dentist, you name it and I honestly think I'm smart enough to do it. But I can't do anything if I have this problem, nothing.

oh and another thing... I've been relying on drugs alot lately. Nothing illegal. But like metabalife for energy to work, and sleepy pills to get to sleep cause I never am tired. This can't be healthy, but it feels like the only way to do things.......

Wow...sounds like no fun at all. I would first suggest you stop taking the metabolife and sleeping pills. It may take a couple weeks, but your body needs to get back into a natural circadian (sp?)rhythm.
Definately see a doctor. As you said, you may have not been ready for the Paxil at that time. My wife was on that stuff and it made her sick as hell. There are other medications out there that may help you out.
I spent 3 years as a psych major before I switched majors (stupid move!)...If you want to talk a bit more about this, feel free to PM me.
I'll try to dig up my DSM IV.

Well since I dont know what your problem is I cant really help or give advice on that. When you say you sit on your butt all day thinking about the things you could do does this mean you have lots of free time or little motivation? Do you like kids at all? I could suggest seeing if you could volunteer doing something with your extra time, most boy girl clubs let you come and go as you please, meaning if you dont feel like going you dont have to. This will give you something to do while helping other kids battle there own problems, some much worse off then you, this may make you see things differently and make you find a way to overcome your own problems and fears. Especially since a lot of these clubs do take place in a school type setting you can actually be in the atmosphere without any of the pressure on yourself. If you dont like kids maybe you can find a place for older people who are trying to get on with there lives who werent lucky to have an education or something. Helping others is a good way to find yourself sometimes. But everyone works differently.

I'd suggest a shrink.. Alot of doctors are quick to prescribe drugs, but shrinks are the ones who should decide if you need to be on anything, and if so, what exactly to take. (There are alot of similar drugs - If Paxil doesn't work, there's always Zoloft, Prozac, etc). Sounds like whatever happened in that room messed you up, but you've bottled it up. Go get some professional help, and see how that works out for you.

If you only lived in hawaii, i'd be glad to help you out. Throw in the ocean, and bodyboard/surf. A lot of people releive a lot of their problems like that. The ocean heals believe it or not. That's why the people who live in hawaii are "big boned"..we relax too much.

Did you keep talking to the Psychologist after he put you on drugs? If not, it's not going to do you any good.

Look for a Psychiatrist, if you can afford one or can work out a way to have insurance pay for it. If not, try another Psychologist who will actually try to help you instead of throwing pills at you.

Many people suffer from what you're describing, and there are ways to make it better. It sounds like most of your trauma is related to a single incident, which makes it "easy" for a Psychiatrist to work with. At least you have a good idea what triggered the condition.

No, I only saw him once.

Don't want to be d**k but have to correct a little bit of misinformation.

-Psychiatrists (sp) are doctors and are the ones whom can prescribe drugs.
-Psychologists are not doctors and cannot prescribe drugs, they are the ones that prefer to talk it out.

With that being said:
I had a problem with depression for a few years of my life and it still comes and gets me every now than then. Initially I saw a psychiatrist whom really only pushed pills, this made me better for a little while but I suffered side effects from both the prescriptions (paxil, and then prozac). After a few years I finally realized this wasn't going much of anywhere and saw a counselor (whom was also a social worker). I got more out of my sessions with him than I did out of years of the drugs with the shrink. This might be a good place to start, it's good not to use drugs if you don't have to, IMO.
HTH
Pete

You said that you suffer from depression, but what you're describing is an anxiety disorder. There are a couple therapies that will work for you: 1) behavior therapy will use learning processes (reinforcement, etc.) to help you stop freaking out in the circumstances you described. 2) cognitive behavioral therapy will do the same as 1, but will play with the thought processes that get you to the anxiety. CBT helps both the symptoms and starts to get at the root of the problem.

In my (trained) opinion, CBT will help most for you, but you definitely need a therapist for it. A psychologist, as opposed to psychiatrist, will be more likely to use non-drug therapies, so you should go see a psychologist.

Your disorder is easily treated. There are some treatment protocols that can cure this in one session, but you will most likely take a gentler approach.

If your depression is a result of this anxiety disorder, then you will kill two birds with one stone if your therapist addresses your "problem" as an anxiety disorder.

So my advice is: some universities have a psychological clinic that offers sliding-scale fees (the amount you pay is proportionate to your income), so you should call there. I know our clinic is excellent. But if that doesn't apply to your area, make sure it is a psychologist you see, and not a psychiatrist.

Also, this was in no way a diagnosis. From what you said about your problem, it sounds to me like an anxiety disorder. There may be more to your story that changes the problem that I don't know.

If you need more info or anything else, PM me.