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#1621970 08/02/06 02:36 AM
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A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart
with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way
through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart
..
Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"

The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they
isn't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell
would you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look
alike?"

No Mam", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got
laid twice.




'99 CSVT - Silver #222/276 In a constant state of blow-off euphoria.
Originally posted by Kremitthefrog:
I like to wear dresses and use binoculars to watch grandmas across the street.


#1621971 08/02/06 02:39 AM
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And, another!!!










Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter".

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars -- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars".

The following year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is fifty dollars -- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars".

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and Not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know --fifty dollars is fifty dollars.





'99 CSVT - Silver #222/276 In a constant state of blow-off euphoria.
Originally posted by Kremitthefrog:
I like to wear dresses and use binoculars to watch grandmas across the street.


#1621972 08/02/06 03:27 AM
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Those are good! I might have to copy and paste and send those to a few people!


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#1621973 08/02/06 03:32 AM
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Originally posted by Ray:
...When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know --fifty dollars is fifty dollars.








ROTFL


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#1621974 08/02/06 01:55 PM
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yeah very good

for some reason i though it was gonna go into the rodney carrinton skit about the hellicopter



Last edited by GS474; 08/02/06 01:57 PM.

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#1621975 08/02/06 02:06 PM
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speaking of twins...


a couple has twin boys and gives them up for adoption.

one goes to a middle-eastern family, and they name the boy amal.

the other goes to a hispanic family, and they named him juan.


some years later, juan wants to get in touch with his birthmother. after finding out her name and address, he sent her a letter and included a picture of himself.

after seeing this, the birth mother comments to her husband how nice it would be to see how the other boy looks grown up.

to which her husband replied, "why? you've seen juan, you've seen amal!"



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#1621976 08/02/06 02:09 PM
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Originally posted by MxRacer:
... you've seen juan, you've seen amal!"






I don't get it. Wait.


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#1621977 08/02/06 02:24 PM
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Originally posted by Eric L:
Those are good! I might have to copy and paste and send those to a few people!




Originally posted by Chickens:
Religion can't do much for ashholes (unless you are an alterboy)


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#1621978 08/02/06 02:30 PM
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hahah very funny, the helicopter one had me rolling. thanks for the laugh


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