This one begs me to post the Southerner's nightmare. (Apologies for the language, I'm too lazy to edit it out.)
Massachusetts Snow Diary
AUG. 1
Moved to our new home in Massachusetts. It is so beautiful here. The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered with snow. I LOVE IT HERE
OCT. 14
New England is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I LOVE IT HERE.
NOV. 11
Deer season will open soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquillity. Hope it will snow soon. I LOVE IT HERE.
DEC. 2
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight today (I won). When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I LOVE IT HERE.
DEC. 12
More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again that rascal). A winter wonderland. I LOVE IT HERE.
DEC. 19
Snowed again last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling. [censored] Snowplow!
DEC. 22
More of that white [censored] fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm done shoveling. That [censored]!
DEC. 25
"White Christmas" my busted ass. More [censored] snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-[censored] who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the dumb bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on this [censored] ice.
DEC. 28
More of the same [censored] last night. Been inside since Christmas day except for when "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white [censored]. The weatherman says expect another 10 inches of this [censored] tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?
JAN. 1
Happy [censored] New Year. The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN). We got 34 [censored] inches of snow this time. At this rate it won't melt until the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck down the road and [censored] for brains had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I broke 6 shovels already, shoveling out the [censored] he plowed into my driveway. I broke the 7th shovel over his [censored] head.
JAN. 4
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the [censored]. Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car. Wish the hunters would have killed them all last November.
MAY 3
Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you believe the body is rotting away from all the [censored] salt they keep dumping all over the roads. It really looks like a piece of [censored].
MAY 10
Moved to North Carolina today. I can't imagine why anyone in their right [censored] mind would want to live in the God forsaken State of Massachusetts.
