That was great! I love this one:
"Hi Bob,
Thanks for your prompt reply. How did I know about the trainspotting, the telly thing and the shirts? Just a wild crazy guess I suppose. Even though you are not a virgin are only living with your mum temporarily you are still barred. Hey tell you what, there is a chap who would love to swap emails with you. He's not doing much at the moment, he's just tending some land in the middle east and buggering up a few million peoples lives. He would be delighted to have a friend. How about you send him an email on
vice_president@whitehouse.gov . All the best."