.45 acp is a larger round, but they don't kick that much more than the 9mm. Do they kick more? Of, course, but I've had some petite girls shoot clip after clip without a problem. In fact, I think the .45 acp is one of the better rounds to learn on due to the low-capacity clips. Because the magazine is usually single-stacked, it is easier to grip than a 9mm with the double-stacked clip.
I'd stay away from revolvers because the recoil becomes more of an issue as you move up in caliber. Try squeazing off successive rounds with anything above a .38 special, and you will have problems as a novice. Try to stop someone on meth with a .38 special, and you'll realize why law enforcement stopped using that round. Law enforcement has also moved away from the 9mm as well for various reasons, including the fact that the muzzle velocity is too fast. The round passes right through the body without knocking the criminal to the ground.
As far as money goes, get a used Taurus for under $300. They aren't as nice Sigs or Springfields, but they are more reliable than Keltecs. Ammo is more expensive with the .45 acp, but nobody's going to be an sharp-shooter after a haof-dozen trips to the range, regardless of how many rounds you shoot.
Of course, what's good for the goose isn't necessarily good for the gander. Go to a range that rents guns by the hour and try a whole bunch of calibers and models. My buddy and I have the same size hands, yet don't always agree on what shoots well.
