Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests Wife + Work = too much flattery

let's clear up a few things. The original flowers came on valentine's day. They were brought home and placed in the kitchen unnoticed by me since we had approx. 6 or 7 different vases of flowers around for the kids from the parents and g-parents etc. There were 11 flowers he told her to take the flowers and look in the mirror and she would notice the 12 most beautiful things in the world. Good line, now the guy has 1-up'ed me twice on v-day. I didn't know that these flowers were from him until they were almost dead and being thrown out, then the wife drops the bomb on me about them. I did leave out the fact that he asked her to the Prom too (he is an 18 year old senior in H.S.). She declined, yet I think in the midst of the "flattery" she forgot to put her foot down and put herself in the same situationa as if it were me doing the same. She wouldn't tell me his name in fear that I qould rip his heart out, and since I didn't show a whole lot of emotion in the first place she thought I really didn't care which led to less communication in our marriage. That brings us to NOW, with all of this $hit out on the table...I know nothing more has happend, i mean between them, but like I said before...she has allowed it to go too far!! This kid needs a lesson in respect and courtesy, and she will need to let him and others know that this will not fly with her.

I still want to kick his a$$ though.

Sean

I say you def. don't have much to worry about with your wife, she obviously wants to be with and trusts you as she comes home to tell you this stuff... Altough I do think it has crossed the line I say your wife needs to be the one to take the first steps in making this harassment stop(ie-putting those fuggers in thier place)..But if that fails then you need to take secondary protocol... Whether it be get them fired for Sexual Harassment(which there is already more then enough evidence to do) or you step up to the plate and let these kids playin games know that you don't mess around when it comes to YOUR wife.....

I've always taken it as a compliment when my girl would get hit on, it happens all the time and has happened on plenty of occasions right in front of my, and I have stood my ground and almost had to lay down the law acouple of times... And back when Courtney and I first got together, all the guy friends she had would try to sabotage our relationship because now they knew they had no chance with her....they would talk so much sh!t about me that it was not even funny........ So me being the A$$hole that I am, I grabbed a couple friends of mine an walked into this kids houseparty(rather large crowd of kids a little younger than I) and proceded to make these kids regret anything they ever said about me....

In truth she should be refusing gifts from any other man except her father. You really only need to be worried about that in some Southern states.

hehehe make him behave like this for the rest of his life

There are a few good looking female instructors at school who actually bring it upon themselves if you ask me. They are all faithful mid to late twenty year old women- I think the sexual references are comic relief on the job. I usually don't jump on the bandwagon (with the guys who cross the line) but I do laugh with them.

Noone has ever gone further than words, though. I mean, I could see a prankster like Todd doing something like this. If that's how this kid is then man, I say you have nothing to worry about.

How old are you and your wife? This kid is 18 if I'm reading right. Harrassment is all about perception, never about intention. If your wife feels harrassed (i.e. she perceives this as harrassment), then it is her responsibility to raise the issue to her company's HR department and determine the best path forward.

To me it sounds like a young 18 year old kid acting like, well, an 18 year old kid. He probably doesn't know how the world works and what is and is not acceptable on the job. In the end, the ball is in your wife's court as to how this is handled. You getting involved will most likely produce no good outcome and considering you have kids, it's not worth the risk. My guess is your wife sees this as harmless since the kid is so young, a raging hormones type thing. Your wife has three children that I assume she loves dearly and would never think of turning their world upside down for some 18 year old nobody, and that's assuming she has no feelings for you, which I'm sure she does since you're married to one another.

If I were her I'd sit down with the kid one on one and gently tell him that the way he is acting on the job, while flattering, could be viewed as harrassment since she is a married woman with children, and that he needs to be more careful, and that she would appreciate it if he would refrain from such behaviors toward her in the future. After doing so she should inform HR so that they can make a note of it in the kid's employment file. In most cases were your wife to go to HR beforehand, they would guage how comfortable she was confronting him like this and if she felt comfortable they would recommend doing what I just described above first. A note would be placed into the kid's employment record but assuming no further incidents occurred it would never go any further from an HR perspective. It's all about documentation/evidence from an HR perspective, a paper trail is necessary. If your wife is hesitant, I would say to her that he's more likely to treat not only her but also other women this same way in the future if she doesn't choose to nip it in the bud now. Just MHO as a manager who's had to deal directly with these types of issues as part of my job. Too often people make the mistake of trying to deal with these very sensitive issues without HR's involvement and almost without exception it comes back to bite them in the a$$ later. If it's a small company and no HR dept exists, well, that's a different story, I'd just try and have the direct one on one with the kid to make him aware that he needs to tone down his behavior, for his own career's future.

That 18 year old kid must have large balls to do something like that. I would never even think about something like that at that age. Even if the woman is hot as hell the 3 kids would scare the daylights out of me. Wait I'm 31 and it still does.

I think you need to strongly encourage your wife to inform HR about it. The kid obviously is immature and has no clue as to what he has done. If he gets fired, he deserved it. I know your wife is intelligent enough to not take it seriously, but for her own sake and the other women in the workplace, a stand needs to be made.

If she doesn't want to tell anyone at the workplace about it:

Return the flowers at work with a hulk hogan shirt ripped right down the middle and shredded to pieces and see if he gets the idea..