And some jokes.
1. Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten. Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either. So one night sh hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Pat wanders by, up
from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming, "Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'". Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, "Who the hell ARE you?". Too that the Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya'
damned old fool". To which Flaherty remarked, "Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."
2.Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...Dang-it! There goes another one!"
3.An Engilshman, a Scotsman and an Irishman went into a pub for a pint of Guinness one day. After being served, a fly landed in each of their pints and stuck in the creamy heads.
The Englishman pushed his pint away from him in disgust and proceeded to order another pint.
The Scotsman simply fished the offending fly out with his finger and proceeded to drink his pint as if
nothing had happened.
The Irishman, eyes wide with anger grabbed the fly and held it over his pint shouting "SPIT IT OUT!!! SPIT IT OUT!!!"
4.One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing
and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up
and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into
the woods on the side of the fairway. He
goes looking for his ball and comes across
this little guy with this huge knot on his
head, and the golf ball lying right beside
him.
"Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to
revive the poor little guy. Upon awaking,
the little guy says, "Well, you caught me
fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I
will grant you three wishes."
The man says "I can't take anything from you,
I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly,"
and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun
says "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he
did catch me, so I have to do something for
him. I'll give him the three things that I
would want. I'll give him unlimited money,
a great golf game, and a great sex life."
Well, a year goes past (as they often do in
jokes like this) and the same
golfer is out golfing on the same course at
the 16th hole. He gets up and
hits one into the same woods and goes off
looking for his ball. When he
finds the ball he sees the same little guy
and asks how he is doing.
The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I
ask how your golf game is?"
The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under
par every time."
The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And
might I ask how your money
is holding out?"
The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention
it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I
pull out a hundred dollar bill."
The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that
for you, too. And might I ask how your sex
life is?"
The golfer looks at him a little shyly and
says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."
The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Once
or twice a week? Is that all?!"
The golfer looks at him and says, "Well,
that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in
a small parish."-Submitted by: Dave Riley
5.An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...Have you actually
ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."
Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too...I know you're suposed to be celibate. But...." The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."
There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"
6.A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer andconversin' with the barkeep. Another comes in and sits besides him. He says how you do and hears the lilt and says you be Irish? Yes I am. The first man yells barkeep give us another round and one for my friend here he's from the mother country as well. The second man asks-so where in the old country ye from.
Dublin responds the first. Dublin you say - so am I and the second man hollers barkeep bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey for me and my friend here. Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin
and the second man responds with the street and the first man says well I'll be - so am I and yells barkeep another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for the pair of us.
The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeep answers it. The owner of the pub asks - how is business. The barkeep responds - not too bad - The O'Malley twins are here getting drunk again.
7."Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman."
The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, 'tis I."
"And who might be the woman you were with?"
"I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well
tell
me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Bridget O'Shanter?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy O'Dell?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona Mallory, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy O'Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But, you've sinned, and you must atone.
Give me three Hail Marys and be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend, Sean, slides over and whispers,"What'd you get?"
"Three 'Hail Marys' and five more good leads"
8.Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connel street in Dublin when she mey up with Father O'Rafferty. "Top of the mornin' to ye,"said the Father, "Aren't you Mrs. O'Donovan? Didn't I marry ye and yer husband two years ago?"
"Aye, that ye did, Father."
"And be there ant wee ones yet?"
"No, not yet, Father"
"well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for
ye."
"Oh, thank ye Father." They parted ways.
Some years later they met again. "Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan," the priest said. "How are ye these days."
"Oh vey well," said she.
"And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"
""Oh yes Father...three sets of twins and four singles--10 in all!"
"AYe, that's wonderful!" he said. "And how is your dear husband?"
"Oh, fine, Father...'e's gone to Rome to blow out yer dang' candle."
But hey, guacamole and margaritas are green, right? 
