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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 3,570
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 3,570 |
I didnt say it wasn't important. What is important is that you dont view marraige as a way to get a sex slave. She's not just a 'gina.
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 8,445
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 8,445 |
NY State Trooper: So what makes your car so special to have SVT all over it?
Me: Er...It was made by Fords SPECIAL Vehicle Team?
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 2,454
Learned patience the hard way
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Learned patience the hard way
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 2,454 |
My gut feeling on this is we need more info to make an informed observation on the subject. Some particulars like how long you've been together, do you currently live together and if so, how long, are you sexually active with each other (it can make a huge difference), what support systems do you have in place in the form of family and friends who are supportive of your decisions, what are your plans for the next few years in regards to school and long term goals, and lastly, but possibly the most important, is there anything right now that you would like to change about her in any way (i.e. habits, grooming, looks, sexual tastes, etc).
The reason the last one is so important is that people tend to look past small things like this when getting married because they think they can live with them or worse yet, expect that their partner will change once they're married. The best advice I can give is if you can't live with exactly who they are the day you marry them in every tiny detail of their life, then you need to work on those things before getting married, or don't get married. Don't go into a marriage expecting the person to be different or moldable afterwards. It can happen, but those that expect it to happen are often those that get divorced.
But, something tells me if you're on a car forum asking advice about getting married, it's not a good sign. Take this as advice from someone who married at 22 she was 21, and has experienced a separation including an affair in his marriage. We actually made it through that spot and are happily married and expecting our first baby in a month.
Rick
Owner of 00 #1611 Silver (Totalled) 98.5 T-Red SVT #6180
Buckshot77@msn.com
Misc 3L parts for sale
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,203
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,203 |
Originally posted by Eazy E:
think about it....one 'gina for the rest of your life...im not a he-slut, i just like variety. would you eat the same thing for dinner everynight of your life? also, not being married is so much cheaper. but if marriage is your thing, congrats
Meh, this to me is just every single man's view on marriage. At least this is the view from most of the guys my age that have never had a serious relationship. They all can't fathom the same girl forEVER! Just retarded 6th grade thinking, IMHO, and they'll grow out of it when they find themselves their true match, or alone watching "Who's Line is it Anyway" in their underpants at the age of 35.
My opinion is with the others that say you are still too young. I do think it weighs heavily on each case and your maturity as well as the relationships maturity. I know that I've been dating my current g/f of 3 years since highschool. We've had our downs, but we've had way more ups. We and our relationship has also changed QUITE a bit in those 3 years. As someone said earlier you will NOT be the same person 5 years from now, I know that I am an entirely different person now than I was then, and I still have more growth and changing to come. And as someone else said, you don't really know what type of man you'll be without taking on responsibility. That means bills, supporting yourself entirely, having to make priorities in your life, sacrifices and comprimises. My girlfriend and I are both at that stage in our life, halfway through college, with a military life ahead of us at this point. We know things will be tough, and we have a long way ahead of us. We also know that we are both entirely devoted to eachother and have no need to get out and "try another 'gina" as it was so elequently put. For that reason, we are waiting on marriage till things settle down and we know exactly what's ahead of us. But on the same note, we are very close now, and are moving out together this summer. We already have a relationship where I essentially live with her, and we've discussed almost every aspect of what life will be like when we are actually living together and what changes/problems could arise.
I could go on, but I'll cut myself off here and just say that if you think that you are really mature enough and can handle ANYTHING with this girl, then go for it. But I do mean ANYTHING, including you wanting to get the hell away from her for awhile, because those times will come. What you have to realize is that when those times come, it's your commitment and priorities that will make or break your relationship. And those things only come with maturity, which typically comes with age and responsibility. For that reason, I say no, but really it's all in your hands. Good luck, and I know "You're still getting married!" We're not here to dissuade you, you asked for opinions. And the fact that you're even here asking for opinions, and stating that, "I'm still getting married!" seems to me like your looking for the right piece of advice or series of words that will make you change your mind. That in itself is it's own answer right there.
Last edited by PlatoSVT; 03/17/06 04:05 PM.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,882
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,882 |
Originally posted by Eazy E:
....would you eat the same thing for dinner everynight of your life?
As a matter of fact, I could. Mmmmm...sirloin and mashed potatos. 
As for the comment "19 isn't very very young" .... well, it's not that young, true, but in this day and age the TYPICAL 19 yo is not as mature as one 40 or 50 years ago. Hell, I'm not sure I'm as mature @ 34 as my father was @ 19. My folks got married when my mother was 17 and my father was 19 or 20 (Her senior pic in the yearbook has her married name.  Weird.) They've been together 54 years. I'm 34, been engaged once, but never married.
If you yave found your soul-mate at 19, good for you! But I agree with others that you should not marry because others tell you not to.
Ultimately, go with your heart. Even if it doesn't work out in the long run, grab what happiness you can while you can.
BrApple-its all in the way it is presented...but everythign on my resume is all me
TexasRealtor-I hope you spelling improves on your resume.
MxRacer-ladies and gentlemen, welcome to ironyville. population, texasrelator.
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 443
CEG\'er
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CEG\'er
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 443 |
Jeff,
The answer to your question lies with your fiancee's and your convictions and understanding of what the purpose of marriage is, combined with many other factors, including but not limited to your collective ability to handle conflict productively (i.e. are the two of you prone to escalation?), your common interests together, sense of humor, the examples your respective parents gave you during your upbringing (which on the surface based upon your comments seems good).
A few questions:
1) How long have you two known each other?
2) When you disagree, how do you handle it?
3) Have you had any premarital counseling?
4) Have you attempted to work through some of the fundamental issues like money, time, career goals, life goals, children?
5) Can each of you compromise on what you want?
My W and I started dating when we were in freshman year of college when we were 17/18 years old. We dated all through college and got married when we were both 23. Neither of us handle conflict or compromise well, so our marriage has been rocky and we've had to really change a lot individually in order to make things work. The best advice I can give you regarding marriage is this: There is no right or wrong between the two of you, there is only what works. The old adage of being right or being married is an accurate one in my experience, you have to prioritize the marriage over your individual wants and needs at least sometimes, in order to have a good relationship. Friendship is important as well, as the infatuation period wears off you'll need to be living with someone you can tolerate and enjoy being with on a daily basis.
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 681
Veteran CEG\'er
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Veteran CEG\'er
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 681 |
Originally posted by JReebs96sport:
Fellow CEGers,
Just curious to hear what you have to say about my situation. I am 19 years old and I am getting married on July 7 this summer (will still be 19). My fiance and I have been engaged for about 9 months since graduation day from high school.
I don't know if it's mentioned anywhere else in this thread, but is she your first serious relationship/first sexual experience? If yes to either of those, have fun with about an 80% chance of getting divorced inside of 5 years.
99 Silver CSVT
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 253
CEG\'er
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CEG\'er
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 253 |
Originally posted by JReebs96sport:
Fellow CEGers,
My fiance and I have been engaged for about 9 months since graduation day from high school.
My problem is this. You got engaged on your graduation day from High School? I've seen that about 1000x over in bad teen movies.
You are at a cross-roads and are about to embark on the rest of your life. If you want to be with this girl, then keep dating, don't just get married. I've said this to many of my friends: the biggest mistake someone entering college can make is being in a relationship. Why? Because it limits your ability to grow as an individual. You need to develop yourself and figure out who you are, and not have to worry about pissing someone else off or getting jealous.
That said, you may be in a relationship that offers some opportunity to grow individually. But its not as much growth as you would experience if you were on your own. However, if it's like any high school relationships I've seen, I doubt it. Or, you are the type of person who has to be in a relationship and marriage is your way of locking-in on your co-dependency. This can also back-fire, because the wife might get suffocated and leave.
I'm 27 and engaged. At no point in my previous 26 years did I even remotely feel that I was ready to be engaged. Everyone is different, but not that different. Only now am I ready to take the leap, roll the dice, whatever, but it's an easy risk to take because my fiance and I know who we are both in our relationship and on our own.
Finally, relationships take work. When you date around, you get to a point that you don't want to work something out, so you move on. Do you really know that this is the person that you want to work out every issue and not move on? It takes a crazy level of communication. I thought I communicated well with past girlfriends, but I had no idea what communication was compared to what I have now.
Side note: my mom has been grilling me making sure I know what I'm doing. You need someone in your ear making sure you consider all the angles. I don't care what society is like or how mature you are, at 19, you don't have all the angles figured out. You may think you do, but you don't
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 351
CEG\'er
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CEG\'er
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 351 |
This is making a long story short but... I had my first serious girlfriend when I was 18 and she was 16. It was my first year in college and she was a Junior in high school. After a year of dating, I was absolutely certain that she was the one that I would spend my life with. However, I thought it would be smart to wait until atleast I had graduated from college (she decided to come to the same school, so distance was not an issue).
I am so glad that I did, because over the next three years it became apparent that marriage was out of the question any time soon. Basically, as you grow up you realize things that you could not have understood before. People tell you things, but you don't think they apply to you. For example, issue #1 is money... I think about the future, she thought about the present. I think I am pretty smart with money decisions (I bought a house, don't like to use credit cards, shop for bargains). She, on the other hand, spends her money as fast as she gets it (eats out all the time, doesn't realize how small purchases add up, etc.), which really bothered me. She would then need some money for gas or something like that, and I refused, which would cause arguments.
My advice:
Are your finances in order? Are you both on the same page in this area, or do you know? I know that when I was 19, living with my parents, I didn't have the capacity to even recognize a situation in this area (though I thought I did).
Secondly, what are your plans for college? If you are both going to the same school, why not just take classes together, live in the dorms close to each other, and basically spend all your time with each other. It is going to be the best time of your life and you can still share it together.
Over the next 4 years you are both going to change very much. Some people change together, others change apart. You are right, getting married young can work for many people. However, it doesn't work for many others. What is common between those who stayed married and those who did not... they both thought they would stay married and be happy, just like you. Sure, you know that she is the one, everyone who gets married does. But many people later find out that they were wrong.
Why not wait until this particularly volatile time in your life is over?
All that being said... everyone is different, and every situation is different. I don't know you at all, so I can't say anything in your case. However, there are people that know you. Talk to your friends, family, her friends and family. Get their honest opinions. Others can see things that you can not.
Jeez, that was long anyway.
Black 2000 SVT Contour w/ Prairie Tan
MSDS Headers | Magnaflow | Mirko Splitter | Fidanza Short Throw Shifter | Kenwood KVT-815 LCD/DVD
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Joined: Nov 2002
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