I went to my Ford dealer today, and I found out it would cost me a little more than $2000 to fix all the messed up paint, dings, and other stuff.
How the hell can my car be that messed up? Easy! Here's the how-to:
Step 1) Allow a redneck in monster truck to run over your rear bumper and trash the attaching pieces so it sags down a lot. Make sure that the truck f's the paint up all the way across the bumper. (All the way across is key)
Step 2) Go to work one day and have someone in a white car scrape across the front driver's side bumper in the parking lot while you're inside. (If you have a dark car, the car that hits you must be white, if you have a light color car, the other car must be black.) If they leave a note, you have to try again; it must be hit-and-run!
Step 3) Remove door ding gaurds by leaving WD-40 on them for a long time. Make sure it takes some clear coat with it. Ensure a lack of clear coat underneath the ding strips.
Step 4) Have a bunch of non-descript miscellaneous scratches.
Step 5) When getting an estimate, notice new things, such as: places on the car that were obviously wrecked and poorly repaired. You must have at least two of these places, for example; rear passenger 1/4 panel and front driver fender. Feel free to find more than two, but remember that 2 is the minimum!
All that crap will cost 2000 bucks. Insurance will cover step 1, ~$500. I know a guy at the Ford dealer that'll get this at cost, so I won't have to sell another kidney to paint my car.
