You have a Contour that is certainly not indicative of the norm. For example:
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When any door is open too long (11 seconds) the horn will honk 3 times.
The horn honking when the doors are open is not a behavior I've seen in any Contour or Mystique at any time, and I've been around quite a few. Did a previous owner try to install an aftermarket alarm or keyless entry?
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Change the friggin tranny! My thing jolts when I drive too fast too long.
Your ATX sounds like it is having problems beyond any normal quirks. You need to have it serviced. I'll admit the CD4E is not a very good ATX, but mine certainly doesn't jolt.
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The manual says that one of the fuseboxes is near where the passenger sits. Do I need to take the car apart to find it?
The internal fusebox in all three of my 98+ Contours is on the driver's side under the dash. I'll admit its not the most convenient location, but I can reach it with little effort. I found it on my own; I have to admit I've never really read my owner's manual.
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Find a way to extend range. Of my family's fleet of cars, my Contour has the least amount of range.
I consistently get 27-29mpg on my Sport with 90000+ miles and my aggressive driving habits. This is in line with the original sticker, so other than installing a bigger gas tank I don't see the problem?
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Whoever designed the aesthetics of the car must have been drunk. I find nothing "pretty" about the car.
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You may think, "Well, why won't he get rid of it?". It wasn't choice that brought me to the contour. I had already heard bad things about the car long before I even owned it, and I never even wanted one in the first place. Sure, the one I have only had 38,000 miles when I bought it. But, it felt as if it had 138,000 miles!
I'm very sorry to hear that, as I completely enjoy driving my Contours. In case you hadn't noticed, this is the Contour Enthusiasts Group. Not only will you find very little sympathy here, you will not be welcomed for very long with such a negative attitude. If you truly disdain your Contour that much I would suggest looking elsewhere for help. 
