Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests You're drunk when...

* You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
* You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
* Job interfering with your drinking.
* Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
* Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.
* The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
* Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
* 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
* Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
* You can focus better with one eye closed.
* The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
* Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
* Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
* Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
* At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
* Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
* You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmmm.
* The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...

You know you're REALLY drunk when...

You're walking to your friend's dorm room, and searching your pants pockets for your cell phone. Little do you realize that you're actually talking on the very thing you're looking for!

"Here's how you know that you're really drunk. I figured it out! When you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time...

Dude it's 15 past 14 already!!

[censored] it's 75 past man!!!

That clock gives receipts too!"

you wake up on a bus 400 miles from home in only your boxers with no money on the day you are supposed to be getting married. a buddy of mine did this to an aquaintance of his 20 some years ago after getting him hammered at his bachelors party.

or try this one:

you wake up on your parents lawn in the wee hours of the morning in only your boxers resting on a block of ice with the sprinlers turned on and your mother trying to wake you up. same buddy acting stupid with a different aquaintance back in the day.

Or you start dirty dancing with your mother in-law and sister in-law at your sister in-laws wedding, and when the song changes you proceed to climb onto a table and start stripping, mumbling something about giving the bride a real bachelorette party..........I steer clear of Rumpleminz schnapps now..

* You lose arguments with inanimate objects.


you don't have to be drunk for that



i used to have an old 77 f-150 we would get into arguement because i wanted it to start and get me to work

but it won a few times

Dane Cook is King!