Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests What is infidelity, exactly?

I'm not sure I'd tell her that you had a specific target. I would share with her that because of ______________ <-- ( you fill in the blank here) that you had considered getting this need met by someone else.

I would then apologize and ask what needs she has that you have not been meeting, and set up a plan to meet her unmet needs. If you too have unmet needs, I would share those with her. Let her know that you want HER to meet your needs, and don't want to be tempted to get them met outside the marriage.

You have to be careful with this, not using it as a threat, but sharing the struggle you've recently, (and I believe still will have for a while) and that you want her to meet your needs.

I suspect the reason your marriage has become mundane is because you two take each other for granted.

The bottom line, however, is you can only change yourself, you can ASK her to meet your unmet needs, but she is the one who decides if she is going to do that or not. Likewise, you get to decide if you are going to devote yourself to selflessly meeting her needs.

Basically a do unto others deal. If you want her to validate and not belittle your needs, you have to treat hers as real as you want her to treat yours.

HTH,

TB

or, you can always discuss it with your wife and maybe suggest a 3way. maybe she'll be into it. you never know until you ask....

That was one of the 18 year-old girls I had in my dorm room that night. She kinda has a deep voice. I was busy with some of the other ones. Sorry.

lol, he said cherries

-if you really truely love your wife then this woman means nothing more to you than a cozy place to store jr for the night.
-the fact that you let things go this far means there is something wrong with your marriage
-honor and honesty demand you fess up, logic says otherwise so take your pick
-ANY physical contact of ANY kind you have with her, considering your feelings, is absolutely inappropriate
-if you are willing to be honest here then you are not looking for a friendship with this siren. you are, however, willing to settle for a friendship until the right time comes along to get wath you really want.
-every man (person) has finite breaking point. the way you are talking there is absolutely no way you are going to be able maintain your honor and contact with her. one of those two components will fail.
-posting this on the internet instead of talking to your wife says that there are serious problems in your relationship with your wife and i doubt she will understand that total strangers are privy to your thoughts and desires when she is not.
-if you want a behavioral guideline the try this: do nothing with this girl that you could not do in front of your wife, a preacher and the congregation in church on sunday morning.

I haven't taken the time to read everyones responses cause I'm too tired but don't do it!!!

I have spent the last 2 years of my life depressed and regretting what I did to feel like this.

I lost someone I loved more than anything in the world to cheating. It always seems to feel right at the time when it happens but it's not worth the pain you feel after you go through with it.

Quote:

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"When great love is rejected, something inside a man dies. So all he can do is run away, where he'll meet the girl he loves second most..."

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Don't let yourself love someone second most.

OK I'm a bit late to the party here. I'm in the same boat as BOFH as far as a cheating wife goes, with the exception that we were able to remain together.

As someone who has had their spouse cheat for having unfulfilled needs though I thought I'd been doing the right things, let me tell you, you're setting your wife up for the worst pain and suffering you can imagine. I agree that it needs to be discussed with her. There's no easy way to do it, and there's more than likely going to be hell to pay. But, in the end, if the marriage is worth it, you'll be closer to her than ever before. Marriages only work through communication.

In regards to not telling your wife who it is, that wouldn't be fair. If your spouse is anything like me and you tell her you've had thoughts about it, it will eat at her night and day and most likely have her pestering you until you finally give in. If you're going to tell her, be prepared to tell all. A half story does no good as it leaves too much to be questioned and wondered about. If you put a specific target to the indescression, then you can more easily move past it, rather than having your wife wonder every time you go out, if you're going to meet "her".

Best bet for you is to rediscover your wife as the woman you fell in love with. Treat her the same as you did when you met her, don't slip into that "long, comfortable place" this is where infidelity lies in my mind. If you need a suggestion of some things to help put that spark back in, I've got a good resource for you, just PM me to ask about it.

Good luck!
Rick