I'm not sure I'd tell her that you had a specific target. I would share with her that because of ______________ <-- ( you fill in the blank here) that you had considered getting this need met by someone else.

I would then apologize and ask what needs she has that you have not been meeting, and set up a plan to meet her unmet needs. If you too have unmet needs, I would share those with her. Let her know that you want HER to meet your needs, and don't want to be tempted to get them met outside the marriage.

You have to be careful with this, not using it as a threat, but sharing the struggle you've recently, (and I believe still will have for a while) and that you want her to meet your needs.

I suspect the reason your marriage has become mundane is because you two take each other for granted.

The bottom line, however, is you can only change yourself, you can ASK her to meet your unmet needs, but she is the one who decides if she is going to do that or not. Likewise, you get to decide if you are going to devote yourself to selflessly meeting her needs.

Basically a do unto others deal. If you want her to validate and not belittle your needs, you have to treat hers as real as you want her to treat yours.

HTH,

TB

"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004