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Addicted CEG\'er
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i wouldnt suggest talking to your wife about this. why? cuz she'll say "i cant believe you would even THINK about doing something like that!"   remember, often times, whatever we do is wrong. 
ive been in your place more than a few times. its just plain infatuation with something new and different. dont risk your marriage, job, life or something like this.
dont get intimate at all unless youre prepared to go all the way. once you get to that threshhold, you wont be able to hold back and end up going to far anyway. youre seriously playing with fire, even by just going up to that point. just think about this, how would you feel if you were to end up in a divorce in six months? this chinese woman is staying away from you to save her own marriage, and your wife is leaving you. would you feel good about it? relieved to be out of your marriage? probably not. and if not, then dont risk it. as my wife always says "we always find out"  and you know what, id say 70% of the time they always do.
just enjoy your friendship at work, and leave it at that. maybe go out to dinner with your wife and her husband, so you can all meet, and you can meet him and maybe your mind will be changed. 
good luck bro and take it slooow. THINK first. 
Last edited by svt4stv; 03/20/05 07:38 PM.
Originally posted by Tourgasm:
Sometimes you can mess up a word so bad that spell check doens't know what the hell you're talking about.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 1,246
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Joined: Sep 2003
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Follow the final result of the poll, that would be your answer.
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 637
Veteran CEG\'er
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OP
Veteran CEG\'er
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 637 |
Originally posted by 99SESPORT:
You need to ask for transfer to a different office, different floor in the building, quit your job, find something else, tell your wife, be honest with yourself, and realize the grass is not greener in your Chinese womans backyard.
In other words RUN!!!!!!
Flee, get out, don't look back, pretend this woman was just some dream girl you saw that you know you could never have. You're married man...get over it...
I hear what you are all saying about being faithful, and I thank you for it.
But what if Mei Ling was the right one for me all along? With Mei Ling, I am totally seeing sparks and feeling like a dopey lovesick kid, for the first time in my life.
Yes, I love my wife. We have that mellow, long-term relationship thing that I treasure. But what if I missed out on something important the first time around?
Originally posted by BOFH:
I'm not an expert, but the fact that you think about this woman means you are not getting something you want/need from your wife.
I'm not feeling so much like I have a "problem" in my marriage, or that I have "unmet needs." It's more like I've just discovered a whole new plane of existence that I never knew about before.
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,676
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,676 |
I would say talk to your wife. After 10 years you should have enough trust and she shouldn't pull that "I can't believe you would think about..." crap. I am not married but I know that a marriage requires work. Perhaps this is a sign that you two need to put a little work in the relationship.
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Joined: Jan 2004
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CEG\'er
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CEG\'er
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 106 |
I feel that with those thoughts in your head.. that you need to stay away. I have girlfriends that are very beautiful and not once have I thought about "boinking" her. I value her friendship that much to not bring it to that level. if you wont do anything with her, then you should have her know that your wife means the world to you and its just friendship and have her meet your wife. Your wife needs to know about your friend.. remember in marriage there are no secrects! this isnt your life anymore, its both of your lives together..
just my $.02..
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,718
Hard-core CEG'er
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 3,718 |
I don't care HOW pure your intentions are or how intellectual/spiritual or platonic they appear to be: if you've got this level of attraction to her already, you are potentially setting yourself up for one heck of a fall, damn your moral fortitude.
Let me put it this way: If this would be something that you would feel uncomfortable discussing with your wife in the EXACT terms you've just placed here, you should STRONGLY consider not pursuing any level of intimacy with this other woman.
...unless you have a rabid desire to contribute to alimony payments in the near future.
Infatuation usually ends up leading a person around by their nose; NOT the other way around. Remember the quote that "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions" every time you see this little Asian beauty...
Now, if you and your wife are into threesomes, that's an entirely different story.
JaTo
e-Tough Guy
Missouri City, TX
99 Contour SVT
#143/2760
00 Corvette Coupe
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,127
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 2,127 |
Originally posted by caltour:
But what if Mei Ling was the right one for me all along? With Mei Ling, I am totally seeing sparks and feeling like a dopey lovesick kid, for the first time in my life.
Yes, I love my wife. We have that mellow, long-term relationship thing that I treasure. But what if I missed out on something important the first time around?
Did you make a promise to your wife to forsake all others?
If so, and you "feel" that Mei Ling was "the one" then what does your word become?
I don't know what you believe about marriage, but I believe that it is a covenant before God. So not only did I make a promise to my wife, but I made a deal with God.
You may believe differently, I don't know. I can only share what I believe. You are free to use anything you find useful in what I say.
I would study the chemical side of love. That "in love" feeling you get in a new relationship is all chemical, and after 18 months to 2 years, it fades away. The marriage becomes a test of those vows.
You can re-create it with your spouse by doing many of the same things you did when courting her.
You words trigger me, I heard them from my wife. I still do. She says it was a mistake to marry, God wants me to be happy, etc.
He might, but he also wants you to honor your vows. God's path to happiness comes from following the rules. Take it from me, divorce fixes NOTHING, it just changes the relationship you have with your spouse. I encourage you to build up that relationship instead of learning about Mei Ling.
May I suggest that every time you want to learn something about Mei Ling, that you put that energy into learning something new about your wife, or thinking of a better way to meet one of her needs.
Marriage is not about finding someone to complete you. To have a healthy marriage, you have to be a complete person to begin with, and willing to give that person to another, forever.
TB
"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 4,713
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 4,713 |
Originally posted by caltour:
Is ANY physical contact at all cheating?
Yes.
Originally posted by caltour:
What about developing a deep friendship with a woman who is not your wife? Is that cheating?
No.
Hope that helps. 
Derek
Scion xB 5-spd
Previous: 2000 Silver Frost SVT
Please share the road with cyclists.
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 4,899
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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 4,899 |
I ate Chinese yesterday........I don't recall her name. 
Last edited by PackRat; 03/20/05 08:05 PM.
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Posts: 2,625
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 2,625 |
Precisely why I'm not getting married. There is too much talent out there.
Be good. Don't do it.
But if you can't be good, take pictures.
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