Originally posted by caltour:


But what if Mei Ling was the right one for me all along? With Mei Ling, I am totally seeing sparks and feeling like a dopey lovesick kid, for the first time in my life.

Yes, I love my wife. We have that mellow, long-term relationship thing that I treasure. But what if I missed out on something important the first time around?





Did you make a promise to your wife to forsake all others?

If so, and you "feel" that Mei Ling was "the one" then what does your word become?

I don't know what you believe about marriage, but I believe that it is a covenant before God. So not only did I make a promise to my wife, but I made a deal with God.

You may believe differently, I don't know. I can only share what I believe. You are free to use anything you find useful in what I say.

I would study the chemical side of love. That "in love" feeling you get in a new relationship is all chemical, and after 18 months to 2 years, it fades away. The marriage becomes a test of those vows.

You can re-create it with your spouse by doing many of the same things you did when courting her.

You words trigger me, I heard them from my wife. I still do. She says it was a mistake to marry, God wants me to be happy, etc.

He might, but he also wants you to honor your vows. God's path to happiness comes from following the rules. Take it from me, divorce fixes NOTHING, it just changes the relationship you have with your spouse. I encourage you to build up that relationship instead of learning about Mei Ling.

May I suggest that every time you want to learn something about Mei Ling, that you put that energy into learning something new about your wife, or thinking of a better way to meet one of her needs.

Marriage is not about finding someone to complete you. To have a healthy marriage, you have to be a complete person to begin with, and willing to give that person to another, forever.

TB

"Seems like our society is more interested in turning each successive generation into cookie-cutter wankers than anything else." -- Jato 8/24/2004