I've been married for almost ten years now. I love my wife. She is truly a wonderful woman and I am lucky as hell to be married to her. She has never done anything to make me doubt her fidelity, and I have never cheated on her either.

OK, so here's the complication: there's this woman at work, and I can't stop thinking about her.

Let's call her "Mei Ling." She has the most beautiful eyes. They are so expressive and warm, and they sparkle when she smiles. She is not very tall (about 5') but she carries herself with such grace that you hardly notice her size. She's petite, and she has these sturdy little legs that she likes to make fun of, but which I find heartbreakingly adorable. And her voice. Guys. Her voice. So soft and warm, yet clear and melodious. Like a bronze bell of a temple on a hillside in China. I could just listen to her talk all day.

So I am this girl's fool, no doubt about it. Amazingly enough, she would like to get to know me better too.

I imagine spending a little time with her when my wife is away in the evenings (teaching yoga classes five nights a week). Her husband works late several nights a week.

I know what you are thinking, you gutter-dwellers: Caltour wants to boink his little Chinese concubine. Well, go straight to hell. That's not what this is about.

Here's the truth: I am not just interested in boinking Mei Ling. I really want to get to know her, and find out about her life (the glimpses she has already given me of her girlhood in China are fascinating). OK, OK. Actually, I imagine getting a whole lot intimate with her. But I wouldn't do it. I know being married means no boinking on the side. I know that boinking is flat out cheating, even in my current state of helpless befuddlement).

But here is my question for you: what if I put limits on the intimacy? How far can you go and not be cheating? Is ANY physical contact at all cheating? What about developing a deep friendship with a woman who is not your wife? Is that cheating?