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A follow-on to the thread of a couple days ago:

The three worst things to hear in the cockpit:
The second officer says, "Damn it!"
The first officer says, "I have an idea!"
The captain say, "Hey, watch this!"

Lady, you want me to answer you if this old airplane is safe to fly? Just how in the world do you think it got to be this old?

The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.--- Gunter's Second Law of Air Travel

"Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute."--- George Bernard Shaw

"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."--- Mark Russell

When asked why he was referred to as 'Ace': "Because during World War Two, I was responsible for the destruction of six aircraft, fortunately three were enemy." - Captain Ray Lancaster, USAAF.

If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly-ins- Anonymous

"I never liked riding in helicopters because there's a fair probability that the bottom part will get going around as fast as the top part."--- Lt. Col.John Wittenborn, USAFR.

"When it comes to testing new aircraft or determining maximum performance, pilots like to talk about "pushing the envelope." They're talking about a two dimensional model: the bottom is zero altitude, the ground; the left is zero speed; the top is max altitude; and the right, maximum velocity, of course. So, the pilots are pushing that upper-right-hand corner of the envelope. What everybody tries not to dwell on is that that's where the postage gets canceled, too."---Admiral Rick Hunter, U.S. Navy.

"Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers & helicopters -- in that order -- need two." --- Paul Slattery

The only three things a wingman should ever say are:
1. Two's up.
2. You're on fire.
3. I'll take the ugly one.

There are only three things the copilot should ever say:
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round.
3. I'll take the ugly one.

You can't fly forever without getting killed.

As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will.
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..
b. One day you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..

Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely guarantee abnormal engine noises and vibrations.

About Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)

The pilot is the highest form of life on earth.

The job of the Wing Commander is to worry incessantly that his career depends solely on the abilities of his aviators to fly their airplanes without mishap and that their only minuscule contribution to the effort is to bet their lives on it.

Night flying:
a. Remember that the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.
b. On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the tanker's lights.
c. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.
d. If you're going to night fly, it might as well be in the weather so you can double count your exposure to both hazards.
e. Night formation is really an endless series of near misses in equilibrium with each other.

One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's attention.

At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors, maintenance guys, weather guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job is to not let them.

The concept of "controlling" airspace with radar is just a form of FAA sarcasm directed at pilots to see if they're gullible enough to swallow it. Or to put it another way, when's the last time the FAA ever shot anyone down?

Remember when flying low and inverted that the rudder still works the same old way but hopefully your IP never taught you "pull stick back, plane go up".

Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the Natops Manual is one of the best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.

A tactic done twice is a procedure.

The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no G-limits.

One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the quality of the social experience.

Quote:

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Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely guarantee abnormal engine noises and vibrations.

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"Any drive in a V-6 Contour after reading through the "problems" forum..."

Two navigators named Dave and Bob were hanging around the squadron one day. Bob goes down to the snack bar to get yet another coke and candy bar and comes back into the room breathless. "You're not gonna believe this! There's a vending machine down there that sells pilot wings for 98 cents!" "What?" Dave replies (always the eloquent one). Come look," Bob says, and drags his friend to the snack bar. When they get there, sure enough, there is the machine. It has a screen and a keyboard, and a sign that says "PILOT
WINGS: 98 CENTS" , "NAVIGATOR WINGS: $12.50" "I've got an idea," Dave says. "Let's get some pilot wings with OUR names on them. Then we can be the cool guys, land the chicks, get a bonus and the good jobs... you know-be part of the in crowd!" "Great idea!" Bob answers. Then a dejected Bob says, "But wait... I only have 96 cents, and the wings are 98... what am I gonna do?" No problem," Dave answers happily. "I have a dollar. I'll get MY wings, then you can have my change and add it to your 96 cents and you can get wings too!" "FANTASTIC!" Bob replies, already salivating over the possibility of finally getting to see how the other half lives. Dave goes to the machine and puts in his dollar. He types in his name and selects the wings he wants. The machine chugs and whirs, and out pop a brand spanking new pair of pilot wings with Dave's name on them. He rips off his nav wings, slaps on the pilot wings, puffs out his chest, picks up his change and struts out of the snack bar. "Waitaminit!" Bob cries. "What about the change so I can get MY wings?" Without looking back, Dave answers, "Screw you, nav....."