Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests post your corny jokes!!

a man comes across a lady with no arms and legs in the middle of the boardwalk. she is very sad and crying. he asks her whats wrong.. she says " no one has ever hugged me", so he bends down and gives her a hug to make her feel better.

the next day, he comes down th boardwalk and sees the same woman crying again. so again he asks "what's wrong?" and she replies... "well, no one has ever kissed me", so he looks to see if anyone is looking, and quickly bends down to give her a kiss, this makes her smile...

on the very next day, sure enough, the man sees the lady crying again in the same spot. so he asks "what's worng with you today?" . and the lady replies "im 28 and i've never been f****d, and im afraidthat i will die before i ever do get f****d", so th man thinks about it for a minute, then picks up the lady, takes her down by the ocean... and throws her in the water and says, " there, now ur f****d"

Okay, I've got a bunch here...

Corny first:
*Where does the President keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!


*How do you make an egg roll?
Push it


*What do you call nachos that aren't yours?
Na-Cho Chips


*What do you get when you mix Snoopy & breakfast?
A beagle and cream cheese.


*How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.


*What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge?
Pollution.


-What do you call all the lawyers thrown off a bridge?Solution.



Okay.... better ones.
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blow job?"
Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"
Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"
Her: "No, no. I just can't"
Him: "I beg you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for god sakes tell him to take his hand off the intercom..."



A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.

The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?"

One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"





Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.

Every other word was an expletive; those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. Nothing worked.

He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.

Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior".

Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?"

Ya, so one time i was f*(%ing this chick in the @ss and shes like, "wow, thats some excrushiating pain" im like "wow, thats a big werd fer a 12 year old"


lol, my freind told me that one.

Note: not true.

Three gay men are gathered to have their lovers creamated, mourning over the fact that all three of their partners had died. One of the men look at the other two and ask what they are doing with their ashes. The first one replied "my John loved to surf, so I'm scattering his ashes in the ocean. The second replied "my Frank loved to skydive, so I'm renting a helicopter and scattering the ashes in the air. They both look at the third and ask what he's doing with his lovers ashes. The third man replied "my Bill loved to cook, so I'm making an extra spicy pot of chilli, dumping his ashes in and eating the whole thing, just so he can tear my ass up one last time.