What is the hardest part of a vegatable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What does an elephant use for a tampon?
A sheep.
...and a vibrator
An epileptic.
Why did the Aggie get his initials tatooed on his forefinger?
So he'd have a monogramed hankerchief.
....and why did his dog have a flat nose?
From chasing parked cars.
What do you get when you have 32 Iraqi women in one room?
A full set of teeth.
What do you call a Mexican baptism?
Bean Dip.
A Scotsman was observed scraping his wallpaper off the wall. His neighbor asked "What, are ye redecoratin' McCleod?" "No, I'm movin'."
What did the Irishman do for his birthday?
He went to a different bar.
A UT law graduate , a Harvard MBA and a Texas A&M engineer were all drinking in an illegal bar in Saudi Arabia. While driving home drunk, the struck a Saudi man and killed him. They were all sentenced to death. Saudia Arabia, trying to appease the US's charges of brutality had done away with beheading in favor of the electric chair for executions. The first to be strapped into the chair was the UT lawyer. "Do you have any last words?" "This is all in violation of my consttutionals rights guaranteed to me as a US citizen and by the Geneva Convention!" The executioner pulled the switch and nothing happened. "It is the will of Allah" cried the people and he was released. Next the Harvard MBA was strapped in the chair. "Do you have any last words" asked the executioner? "It is the capitolist's birthright of all people to live in luxury beyond you means!" The executionor pulled the switch and again nothing happened. "It is the will of Allah!" chanted all the people and he was released. Finally the Aggie Engineer was strapped into the chair. Once again the executioner asked "do you have any last words?" The Aggie replied "Well, yessum I do. If you jest attach that little ole red wire there to that terminal right over here this old chair will work a heck of a lot better."
