Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests post your corny jokes!!

bwahahahaha - good one!

Two guys were driving through the desert when they ran out of gas. They started walking down the road, and after about half an hour they both got really hungy. Then, off in the distance they see a tree, but instead of leaves it is covered in bacon. When they start to get closer one of the guys is gunned down and shot to death. With his last breath he turns to his friend and says, "Thats not a bacon tree, thats a HAMBUSH"

A man is having problems with premature ejaculation problems with his new wife and decides to see a counselor. The counselor suggests that the man masturbates before engaging in sexual activity with his wife.
Before leaving for work the next day, the man's wife says to him, "I'm going to ravage you as soon as you get home!"
All day long the man is thinking about how and when he's going to have time to masturbate before he gets home. He decides he's going to do it on the drive home.
While driving home comes up with a clever disguise - he pulls over, put his flashers on, and decides to crawl under his car as if he's having car trouble.
He crawls under, closes his eyes, concentrates, and goes about his business.
A few minutes later he feel's a tap on his foot and a man says, "This is Officer Jones. Can I help you?"
Without opening his eyes he says, "Thanks for your help, but I think I found the problem!"
Officer Jones replied, "Good, but you might want to check your brakes, too, cause your car rolled about 50 feet away."

What is the hardest part of a vegatable to eat?
The wheelchair.


What does an elephant use for a tampon?
A sheep.
...and a vibrator
An epileptic.


Why did the Aggie get his initials tatooed on his forefinger?
So he'd have a monogramed hankerchief.
....and why did his dog have a flat nose?
From chasing parked cars.


What do you get when you have 32 Iraqi women in one room?
A full set of teeth.

What do you call a Mexican baptism?
Bean Dip.

A Scotsman was observed scraping his wallpaper off the wall. His neighbor asked "What, are ye redecoratin' McCleod?" "No, I'm movin'."

What did the Irishman do for his birthday?
He went to a different bar.

A UT law graduate , a Harvard MBA and a Texas A&M engineer were all drinking in an illegal bar in Saudi Arabia. While driving home drunk, the struck a Saudi man and killed him. They were all sentenced to death. Saudia Arabia, trying to appease the US's charges of brutality had done away with beheading in favor of the electric chair for executions. The first to be strapped into the chair was the UT lawyer. "Do you have any last words?" "This is all in violation of my consttutionals rights guaranteed to me as a US citizen and by the Geneva Convention!" The executioner pulled the switch and nothing happened. "It is the will of Allah" cried the people and he was released. Next the Harvard MBA was strapped in the chair. "Do you have any last words" asked the executioner? "It is the capitolist's birthright of all people to live in luxury beyond you means!" The executionor pulled the switch and again nothing happened. "It is the will of Allah!" chanted all the people and he was released. Finally the Aggie Engineer was strapped into the chair. Once again the executioner asked "do you have any last words?" The Aggie replied "Well, yessum I do. If you jest attach that little ole red wire there to that terminal right over here this old chair will work a heck of a lot better."

What do you call a blind buck?

No eye-deer!!

What do you call a blind buck with no legs?

STILL no eye-deer!

One day a daddy lion, a momma lion, and a baby lion all go to court to see who should have custody of the baby lion. The judge asks the baby lion, "Do you want to live with your dad?" The baby replys, "No, he beats me." The judge then asks, "Well, do you want to live with your mom?" Again the baby says, "No, she beats me too." The judge a bit confused says, "Well then who do you want to live with?"
The baby says, "The detroit lions! They dont beat anybody!"