Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests post your corny jokes!!

love the blonde jokes.

why did the blonde climb the chain link fence?
to see what was on the other side.

how do you drown a blonde?
put a mirror at the bottom of a pool.

why was there white-out on the computer screen?
because a blonde was typing and made a mistake.

why was there writing over the white-out?
because a red-head used it after her.

what did the blond say after having sex?
Are you guys all on the same team?

what is the first thing a blonde does after having sex?
she opens the car door.

what is the first thing Bill Clinton says after having sex?
I'll be home in an hour honey.

Bill Gates dies and goes before Peter at the pearly gates of Heaven.
Peter tells him he may choose between Heaven or Hell to spend eternity.
Peter takes him on a tour of Heaven. There are people lounging around comfortably on clouds eating grapes and playing harps.
"very nice" Bill says.
Bill then asks what Hell is like.
Peter points him to an elevator.
Bill goes down to Hell and sees people partying and having a good old time. Beautiful women are running around naked and people are drinking and smoking. Everyone looks like theyre having the time of their lives.
Bill stands before Peter again and says "you know, Heaven seemed very relaxing and nice but Hell seems like it's where all the fun is at."
"Very well" Peter says and *poof* Bill is off to Hell.
He immediately notices all the women are gone and everyone is screaming and crying and it's very HOT! Demons are whipping people until they bleed.
Bill cries out in horror "what happened to the Hell I saw before?!"
Satan appears suddenly and says "oh that was just the demo"

oh yeah, one more, for all the religious cuckoos.

a priest and a rabbi are standing next a playground watching the children play.
the priest turns to the rabbi and says "hey rabbi, what do you say we go over there and screw a couple of those kids?"
the rabbi turns to the priest and says "what should we screw them out of?"

A travelling salesman on a cross country trip happens upon a man in a field um, doing, a sheep. The salesman is rather shocked and decides to tell the owner of the farm about the goings on. He approaches the farmhouse at the edge of the property and rings the bell.

A young boy answers and the salesman proceeds to tell the stroy. The boy replies "don't worry mister, th-a-a-a-a-t's my D-a-a-a-a-a-a-d."


And, to honor the topic starter, allow me tell you of the 4 types of female orgasm:

The positive; Oh Yes Oh Yes Oh Yes!
The negative; Oh No Oh No Oh No!
The religious; Oh God Oh God Oh God!
and finally the Fake;





















Oh Mx Oh Mx Oh Mx

Do you know any good Jewish wines?



"I wanna mink coat!"
"I wanna vacation in the Bahamas"
"I wanna Lexus!"


...waaaaa

What do you call 2 gay irish men? ... Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pothole? Phil
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Ilene
What do you call 2 guys holding a curtin over a window? Curt n Rod
What do you call a guy on his knees and a guy standing up? Neal n Bob

How many flies does it take to screw in a lite bulb? 2 ... question is how did they get in there?

Those are my best corny jokes. They are the funniest when told when you are sleep deprived.

what u call a cow with no legs
ground beef

what u call a cow with only 2 legs
lean beef


waakkkka wakkkka wakkkaaaa

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress!
Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.

Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?" With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500." Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Oh, I gotta nother one, what do you call a cow on wheels? a milk wagon(truck).