for the MSU vs. U of M football game!!!
woo woo!
now i know we'll be gathering in E.L. for the meet, but until then, lets have some rivalry fun! i'll start if off with some U of M jokes (and yes, they are all lame
)
Q: How many U-M football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One but he gets five credits.
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Q: What do you call a basement with five U-M fans?
A: A Whine Cellar!
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Q: Did you here about the U of M students trapped in the mall when the power went out?
A: Yeah, they were stuck on the escalator for hours!
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A U of M student sits in a row-boat in the middle of a farm field, trying very hard to paddle. A car drives by and pulls to the side of the road and stops. Out jumps a U of M graduate and he is livid. "You are a disgrace to the University of Michigan," shouts the grad to the student in the row-boat. "You are an embarrassment to us all," the grad screams. "And if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ass!"
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Q: How can you tell if someone is a U of M grad?
A: Give him 30 seconds of your time, he'll tell you!
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Q: What do you call a pretty girl on the U of M campus?
A: A visitor.
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A Hindu, a Rabbi, and a Michigan grad are traveling across the country when their car breaks down. There is nothing around for miles except a farm house. So the three walk to the farm house and ask the farmer if he could put them up for the night. The friendly farmer says of course, but he informs them that he only has two beds and that one of them will have to sleep out in the stable. The Hindu says, "We are a humble people, I will sleep in the stable, and allow my friends to have the comfort of the beds." So they all go to sleep. Shortly thereafter, however, there is a knock on the door. It's the Hindu. He says there is a cow in the stable and that he would feel more comfortable if he did not have to sleep in its presence. The Rabbi says, "We too are a humble people. I will go sleep in the stable, and you my friend, can sleep in the bed." So once again, they all go to sleep. Shortly thereafter, however, there is a knock on the door. It's the Rabbi. He says there is a pig in the stable and that he would feel more comfortable if he did not have to sleep in its presence. The U of M grad says, "We are not a humble people, in fact, we're pretty damn arrogant. However, seeing that we are out of options, my friends, sleep in the beds and I will sleep in the stable." So once again, they all go to sleep. Shortly thereafter, however, there is a knock on the door. It's the cow and the pig.
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Q: How do you get a U-M grad off your front porch?
A: Easy, pay him for the pizza.
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Q: What did the UM grad say to the MSU grad at Burger King?
A: May I take your order?
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Q: What's the difference between the Wolverines and Rice Crispies?
A: Rice Crispies know what to do in a bowl.
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Three guys are in the final stages of interviewing for a position with the CIA. One is a grad from Ohio State, one from Michigan State, and one from U of M. The Ohio State grad is pulled in and told that he is in the final round for the job and there remains only one task he must complete before they make a decision. He must take this gun, walk into that room, and shoot his wife of five years. He responds with, "No thank you, I love her too much!"
Michigan State grad is then pulled in and told that he is in the final round for the job and there remains only one task he must complete before they make a decision. He must take this gun, walk into that room, and shoot his wife of ten years. He takes the gun, makes for the door, turns around and says, "No thanks, this job isn't that important!"
Then the U of M grad is pulled in and told that he is in the final round for the job and there remains only one task he must complete before they make a decision. He must take this gun, walk into that room, and shoot his wife of fifteen years. He takes the gun, enters the room, "BANG, BANG "followed by bumps and screams for five minutes. When he returned and was asked what happened, he said, "You bastards, they were blanks...I had to choke her to death!"
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At the annual U of M - MSU football game, the coaches of both teams agree that they won't flip a coin to decide who receives the ball this year. Instead, they will put their captains to a test of intelligence. When the captains are on the field for the pre-game meeting, the ref turns to U of M and asks the first question. "What is three plus four," asks the ref. The fans in Ann Arbor go silent as they wait for the answer. A minute goes by before the answer is given. "7," screams U of M's captain. Immediately the fans jump to their feet shouting, "give him another chance!"
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What do you get when you cross a U of M student with an ape?
Don't know. There is only so much an ape can be forced to do
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What's the difference between a U of M student and a dog?
Drivers will swerve to miss the dog.
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A U of M football player enters a grocery store to do some shopping.As he walks past the Apple Juice display he stops and stares at the bottles.He stands there for hours until the manager finally walks up to him andasks, "son, what the hell are you doing staring at this apple juice displayfor hours?"
"It says 'concentrate'," replies the U of M player.
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___|______\_____
|/-\_________/-\_|
.\_/...............\_/
