>THE MAN CODE
>
>1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>
>2. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
>and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
>
>3. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father,
>priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and
>should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his
>whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
>
>4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a
>friend out of jail within 12 hours.
>
>5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without
>recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call
>[censored]! (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
>exaggeration rate rises to 400%)
>
>6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
>off-limits forever.
>
>7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
>running late is five minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
>minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe
>scale.
>
>8. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is
>forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
>
>9. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In
>fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and
>slightly gay.
>
>10. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy
>is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried
>away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal
>is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
>
>11. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission
>and he in return is required to grant it.
>
>12. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
>until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a
>buffalo wing clean.
>
>13. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
>
>14. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
>
>15. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may
>always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
>who's playing.
>
>
>16. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney
>friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be
>able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about
>joining the priesthood.
>
>17. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're
>sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
>supermodel... and it's free.
>
>18. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
>19. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
>remain sober enough to fight.
>
>20. If a buddy is outnumbered, out-manned, or too drunk to fight, you
>must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his
>actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good
>ass-whoopin," then you may sit back and enjoy.
>
>21. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while weightlifting:
>
>"Yeah, baby, push it!"
>"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
>"Another set and we can hit the showers."
>"Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
>
>22. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to
>his beer.
>
>23. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when
>she's withholding sex pending your response.
>
>24. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing:
>both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod
>is all the conversation you need.
>
>25. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may
>not, unless you are gay
I especially like numbers 8. & 9.
