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Joined: Jul 2000
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OP
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My Dad sent me this. Pretty good plan..
RETIREMENT WITH A GRIN
Recently I was checking my 401k account and thinking about retirement, as everyone does when they hit 60. I saw an article about nursing and retirement homes and the expenses. Then it hit me. No nursing home for me!
Here is my plan: I'm checking into the Holiday Inn.
With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service. It also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.
Plus, I'll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer and dryer. I'll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and soap. And I'll be treated like a customer, not a patient.
Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling. There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp. Ride the church bus free on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.
Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up. It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the other hand, Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.
And you are not stuck in one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too. TV broken? Light
bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix
everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to visit you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool. What more can you ask for?
When I discussed my plan with friends, they came up with even more benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees. Most standard rooms have coffee makers, reclining chairs, and satellite TV -- all you need to enjoy
a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day.
Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends. Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free program. You can invite your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.
Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can keep you company as well. If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, you'll always feel at home because wherever
you go, the rooms all look the same. And if you're getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not finding your room -- your electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bellman
or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.
Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check out the feasibility of my plan. I'm happy to report that they were positively
giddy at the idea of us checking in for a year or more. They even offered to negotiate the rate. We could have easily knocked them down to $40 a night!
"So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin. Just forward all your emails to the Holiday Inn!"
"Fear is the little death."
Muadib.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,960
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
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Posts: 1,960 |
Bless our servicemen & women overseas.
L.Cpl Ian Malone, 1st Battalion Irish Guards, R.I.P.
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Joined: Jul 2001
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Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
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"Think of it, if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under the tweed." Clarkson on the Mondeo.
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Joined: May 2002
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Very clever. 
1998 Mystique LS:
-2.5 Duratec ATX
-Vibrant White
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=Pics=
=Info=
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Joined: Sep 2003
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Hard-core CEG\'er
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Pretty funny.
Now for the serious side, my generation will most likely never be able to retire, as social security and Medicare will be long gone by 2050.
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Joined: Jan 2001
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Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
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Originally posted by HITMANinMI:
Pretty funny.
Now for the serious side, my generation will most likely never be able to retire, as social security and Medicare will be long gone by 2050.
You just have to start $hit don't you??? As if the rollover thread and the numerous political threads weren't proof enough of your stupidity, you have to ruin a completely innocent thread like this to prove it even more.
"Moore has also accused the American people of being the stupidest, most naive people on the face of the Earth. And after last weekend, he's got the box office numbers to prove it!"
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Joined: Jul 2000
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Hard-core CEG\'er
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OP
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Alright, let's not get into a flaming war here!
Moderator.... git er dun
"Fear is the little death."
Muadib.
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Joined: Sep 2003
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Hard-core CEG\'er
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Originally posted by 99blacksesport:
Originally posted by HITMANinMI:
Pretty funny.
Now for the serious side, my generation will most likely never be able to retire, as social security and Medicare will be long gone by 2050.
You just have to start $hit don't you??? As if the rollover thread and the numerous political threads weren't proof enough of your stupidity, you have to ruin a completely innocent thread like this to prove it even more.
Actually no I wasnt trying to start anything. I said it was funny and that infact by 2050 SS and Medicare will be no more. Thats all man chill out.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 3,345
Hard-core CEG'er
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Hard-core CEG'er
Joined: May 2002
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Originally posted by HITMANinMI:
Originally posted by 99blacksesport:
Originally posted by HITMANinMI:
Pretty funny.
Now for the serious side, my generation will most likely never be able to retire, as social security and Medicare will be long gone by 2050.
You just have to start $hit don't you??? As if the rollover thread and the numerous political threads weren't proof enough of your stupidity, you have to ruin a completely innocent thread like this to prove it even more.
Actually no I wasnt trying to start anything. I said it was funny and that infact by 2050 SS and Medicare will be no more. Thats all man chill out.
Who gives a [censored] if it will be? Just let the rest of us enjoy this humourous post today instead of thinking about "Oh no, I may not be able to retire." Ya big ruiner!!! 
1996 MM
Zetec, ATX
192000 kms...not dead, but I'm not fixing it
White people love Wayne Brady because he makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X.
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Joined: Feb 2003
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Hard-core CEG\'er
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Quote:
Now for the serious side, my generation will most likely never be able to retire, as social security and Medicare will be long gone by 2050.
If you're that concerned, save for your own [censored] retirement!
2003 Mazda6s 3.0L MTX
Webpage
2004 Mazda3s 2.3L ATX
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