Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests 2004 DARWIN AWARDS !

The Nominees in reverse order:

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,

because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with

milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited

into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned

his house down, killing both him and his sister.



6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died

of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and

weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and

white saddle shoes and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to

create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas

mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in

its place. The other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons

unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of

explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

(Damn it...I want pictures!!!)



5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude

when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the

occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and

crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants

around their ankles.



4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he

tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad

trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,

taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot,

anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and

hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said

investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby.

"The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance

between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the

apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."



3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a

friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.

The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.



2. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell

of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,

extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.

After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas

company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had

difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the

lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the

technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that

resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like

object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to

three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter

was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of

causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.



..AND THE WINNER OF THE 2004 DARWIN AWARD SHOULD BE....



Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez

tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.

Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez

managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the

machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by

spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus

wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed

his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.

Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a

foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance,

and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open

during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and

remained in the washer, while the other testicle was compressed and

flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the

rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new

$300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using

to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and

the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

NOTE: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't

die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act

of stupidity, we have allowed it.

My voice went up an octave just reading that last one

that hurt just reading it. but on a positive note atleast we have proof that natural selection is still at work.

I know people do a lot of stupid sh!t, but even I have a hard time believing some of those...

Hey, Lake Accotink is in Springfield. Its actually just right down the road from me. Why did I never hear about that?

A few years back a cheeky young devil of about 12 years decided to dare his friend to climb the fence of the Salopek switching station, a high voltage substation. The friend climbed on top of a transformer and touched the brushing connected to a 118Kv powerline. The resulting short and fire knocked power out to several areas of town. IIRC, the parents chose cremation because the kid was pretty much well done.

Does "remained in the washer" mean that they didn't remove it? Is it still there?