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Class assignment

The teacher gave her class an assignment: have their parents tell them a story with a moral. The next day the kids returned with their stories.

Ashley said, "I live on a farm and we have a lot of hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market when my little brother dropped the basket and they all broke. So the moral of this story is, 'Don't put all your eggs in one basket!'"

"Very good," said the teacher.
Next Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too, but we raise chickens for meat. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got five live chicks. The moral is, 'Don't count your chickens before they hatch!'"
"Very good, Sarah. Now Little Johnny, do you have a story?"

"My daddy told me this story about Aunt Karen. She was a fighter pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break, then
she landed in the middle of 100 Iraqi troops. She killed 70 of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed 20 more with the machete till the blade broke. Then she chased down and strangled the last 10 with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

CHINESE PROVERBS

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch a$$ should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

ROTFLMAO!!

This was too long to post. Dedicated to you. You know who you are.

http://www.jokes.com/results/detail.asp?id=4618&sql=1&cat=17

why not... you wont see this at the card area of a bookstore anytime soon.....

SITUATIONS HALLMARK DOESN'T COVER:

1. I always wanted To have someone to hold,
Someone to love. After meeting you ...
(inside card)
I changed my mind.

2. I must admit, You brought religion into my life ...
(inside card)
I never believed in Hell......Until I met you.


3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am ...
(inside card)
That you're not here To ruin it for me.


4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go ...
(inside card)
Will you take the knife from my back?
You'll probably need it again.


5. Someday I hope to marry ...
(inside card)
Someone other than you.


6. Happy birthday!
You look great for your age ...
(inside card)
Almost lifelike!


7. When we were together, You said you'd die for me.. .
(inside card)
Now we've broken up, I think it's time To keep your promise.


8. We've been friends for a very long time ...
(inside card)
What do you say we stop?


9. I'm so miserable without you ...
(inside card)
It's almost like you're still here.


10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
(inside card)
Did you ever find out who the father was?


11. You are such a good friend If we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket ...
(inside card)
I'd miss you terribly And think of you often.


12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday.
(inside card)
So we're having you put to sleep.


13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana and West Virginia).


14. Looking back over the years We've been together,
I can't help but wonder ...
(inside card)
What was I thinking?


15. Congratulations on your wedding day!. . .
(inside card)
Too bad no one likes your husband.


16. How could two people as beautiful as you ...
(inside card)
Have such an ugly baby?

DD

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday.
(inside card)
So we're having you put to sleep


that one Rules!

Religious joke... Sorta. Makes fun of pope... Do NOT read if you're Catholic!

The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out. After about an hour�??s examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong. He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles. He said that the good news was that all the pope had to do to be cured was to have sex.

Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length. Finally they went to the pope with the doctor and explained the situation.After some thought, the pope stated, �??I agree, but under four conditions.�?�

The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over all ofthe noise there arose a single voice that asked, �??And what are the four conditions?�?� The room stilled. There was a long pause�?�

The pope replied, �??First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex. Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex. Third, she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out with whom she is having sex, she can tell no one.�?�

After another long pause a voice arose and asked, �??And the fourth condition?�?�

�??Big tits.�?�

LMAO