Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests girl problems...

ok i usually dont do this but i was reading this forum and saw that alot of you give some pretty good advice...so im gonna try for it...dont be an ass.

ok so i was with this girl for a year and 4 months...the relationship ended at the end of april..after that it was on and off talking and we tried the friends with benefits thing a couple times but of course that didnt work...now its at the point where we cant talk to each other without yelling. to give you some background we had a pretty fiery relationship..alot of fighting and alot of trust issues..but i cant help but love this girl and i cant help but want to try and atleast just be her friend...i know it probably wouldnt work if we were to get back together and i dont know if i want that and from what i see she doesnt want it either..its been like 3 or 4 weeks since we've spoke and i just want my friend back and i want to show her i've changed my ways..i tried calling but of course she didnt pick up (she likes to ignore she's always done it so i dont know how to take it just yet..) i just want to know what you all think...should i just give up? or should i just show up to her door one day with flowers? i dont want to come across as pathetic because i dont really know how girls work im just really more confused than anything..if this doesnt make sense ask questions..thanks for your help

Wow... Well Im just going to give you my honest opinion...


It sounds to me like you care for her alot... but like you said the relationship has always been stormy... that should tell you something right there... But "love" always wins over your brain and that never changes.

Im not sure about the trust issues... Is it that she doesnt trust you or vice versa? If its that she doesnt trust you... man....... its gonna take more work than you think... I mean its a never ending process that could take years to resolve.... Trust me I know.

But just from scratching the surface... I say leave well enough alone. Its gonna take a long time to get her out of your system even if things were bad between you two... because good almost always out weighs bad...

But take your time... dont press the issue right now... I mean she might hate you and never want to speak to you again... just cool your jets and let her do the same... in time you might see not being with her is for the better... but you might find she is exactly what you want...

But what makes matters that much more sticky is the physical relationship... that always clouds your mind... And trust me I dont blame you... its especially hard if the person is your "first"... Its a whole new ball game and your emotions rise to a whole other level...

But just chill out... as hard and as frustrating as it may seem... it will all work out in the end... it always does.



Im bored here at work....... Hope that helps

thanks for replying...she doesnt trust me...at all...its a whole age factor..and i lied a couple times...but its not like i'd ever cheat on her or anything along those lines...and sometimes it seems so easy to just move on and find another girl and i would if i ever had the chances but its like i try and avoid those opportunities...i just really want to find out if she has moved on yet or not..i think that would really make it easy for me, but like i said before i really do love this girl and i dont want to throw that away and i dont know if she wants to because she has this complete wrong picture of me which might be ruining my chances...this sucks

Been there, done that, man. I know how you feel.
Move on, thats my advice.

Send her flowers at work with a little not saying that you want to talk to her and try to resolve some issues and become friends again.

Yeah, sounds like she has trust issues that run deeper than anything you have done. Yeah it sucks... but your gonna have to let it go...

I ended a 3 year relationship a few years back... I thought I would never get over her... but I am... and even if I run across some old "home movies" of her/us... I just chuckle and shake my head... *gives self high five*

its so hard to move on...its like this is the only person i have ever been able to tell everything..she was so much more to me than just a girlfriend or a friend..i need to go out and find a new one but my friends suck and they all are anti-social potheads or they have girlfriends...and to help my chances i stopped smoking weed and cigarettes but it hasnt worked yet....and the whole friends girlfriends hooking me up...not going to happen..they think im a pothead hah....i guess only time will tell thanks for the help...im still going to show up at her door tomorrow with flowers but its hard to be optimistic about it..i call i e-mail and i text message (lame i know..) but she doesnt reply..i just keep thinking she wants me to keep trying but at the same time i think she wants me to stop (im not doing it alot just today) why are women so hard to understand? and why cant they just be blunt about things? its like everything is a little mind game theyre trying to play...i hate playing games


edit: and when i ask her if she wants me to stop trying and just vanish she doesnt say anything...think thats a sign or is she just ignoring me?? haha pathetic i know

Dude, I am going through the exact same thing right now, just about. I was dating this girl for over a year, we broke up, I guess it really devistated her, she started dating one of my good friends, and the other night I found myself making out with her. I do have a lot of emotional attachments to her, but mostly because of how physical we were. But still, she was my best friend and I care A LOT about her even now. I hardly talked to her for a month or two after we broke up, but then we started talking again and became "friends" again. Even now when we hang out we'll cuddle when sitting, and even hold hands. And yes, she is dating another guy.

I've decided to try and detach myself from her, as much as I miss being with her and as much as I want her back. Honestly, it's been killing me, and it has made me very stressed out and depressed. She told me that she couldn't leave this guy for me, and even though I'd take her back in a second, I have to respect her decision.

If I keep making out with her and doing other physical things, it's only going to make things more difficult between us. Part of loving someone like I love this girl, is doing what is best for them. I want her to be happy more than anything, even if that's with out me. I really want her friendship so I'm going to work on that, but for now I'm just going to have to distance myself from her. Also, I'm stopping, because I know that my friend that she's dating, even though I hate him now, will be really hurt if he finds out about any of it.

IMPORTANT ADVICE PART:

So to sum it up, if you love her, you'll respect her feelings and decisions no matter what they might be. Please, for her sake, never put her in a situation where you can take from her or do anything to hurt her.

Letting go of someone is damn hard to do, but you just gotta have faith that your going to find another girl.

Good luck man, and be strong.

the last thing i want to do is hurt her...i just havent recieved any straight answers to my questions so i dont know what she wants but im not about to let go of something i could have (in terms of a friendship) and the whole physical thing doesnt bother me i know i can get girls (hardest 2 months ever...i quit cigarettes easier than this)
i just want my friend back :-( i'll get up the balls tomorrow and let you all know what the deal is...thanks again for your advice...cant talk to my friends theyre idiots..and not really my friends at all thats why she's so important for me...in a world of fake people she's been real and thats very important to me peace

You just need to talk to her person, and just flat out tell her everything you have told us. Just being open with her and honest. Don't hide anything. Once again, good luck.