Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests Well, after 6 years I'm single again...

Dude...you are gonna' be forced to play THE GAME. Don't jump to her command or wishes. I know I know, she's not like that. Well you are gonna' have to be. When she realizes that you are not at her becon call just because you still love her, then she will start to desire you more and more. Then BAM! you've got a new found spark and a fresh start. Even then you should keep her slightly distanced to make sure her desire is maintained. Throughout this process you need to try new things in life and explore new methods of communication. Such as; take authority of the relationship by making firm decisions and delegating your time together, spice up your sex life with her by doing things completely different(nothing will take her back to "the norm" like old sex), and make sure that she knows you are keeping your options open. Don't fully commit yourself to her right away. Let her know that she is in the presence of a bachelor. Most of all, don't take any sh!t from her. Even if she is the sweetest person in the world you need to keep her in a firm grip. As far as tonight, talk to her about her intentions of meeting up and spending time together. Don't talk about your problems or about crap from the past. Just focus the conversation to find out what she is thinking to accomplish, and why she wants to accomplish it. Then, regardless of what she answers, say "well I'm going out with the guys tonight so maybe tomorrow or something...I don't know I'll have to give you a call" And ALWAYS have excitement in your voice, like you're getting ready to accept an award for the years biggest pimp. Excitement can either be contageous or it creates jealousy on the behalf of the other party. Keep her guessing. I know what you want to do. You want to run and hug her and hold her forever and wake up and have breakfast and cuddle. However these are serious times and there is no time for wants. Focus on what you need to do.

EDIT- Oh and never let her stay too long. Always keep the visits short. If she stays the night, make sure she leaves in the morining. If she comes over to watch a movie, after it's over tell her you have to get some sleep or that you had plans to meet some of your boys. Don't let her get comfortable. Keep her on her toes and make sure she is making most of the effort. If the level of effort is lacking on her part then you have your answer. If she seems to want it worse than you do, then you are in and have established control of the relationship.

Take it from a chick. The less available you are the more she'll want you back.
Stay away unless she tells you she wants to be involved the way you used to be. If she doesn't love you and you think she may regain her feelings, you will just get your feelings hurt by letting her come around whenever she is lonely. Let her come back to you if she loves you again, but don't assume.
Sorry it turned out that way.

definitely don't drop a night out with the boys to watch a movie with her.
you've already made plans, and you can always watch a movie with her any other night.
One night watching some stuff on the tube isn't going to suddenly patch up all that has happened between the two of you as of late.
She doesn't need to be dropped like a bad habit, but some space and thinking time is definitely in order, especially because of this new break up.

don't play all sorts of games either.
If you're serious about a relationship with her, be up front and honest about every single thing.
don't try to do crazy things that aren't who you are just to try and trick her into loving you again or "keep her guessing". to me, that just seems deceitful.
Be yourself, be open and honest about your feelings toward the situation at all times.

gotta go with the rest.. don't abandon your friends for her decision on a whim..

They were obviously there before and are still there now.. abandon the ones who were there, and they may not be anymore.

She could be sincere.. unfortunately she could also be either bored or curious as to how much of a wrap she has on you.

Don't do it!

There's some good bits and pieces of advice above this post.

You both need some time away from each other to evaluate the situation and determine how to go about your lives. Whether it be together or apart.

Tell her you've already made plans and maybe you guys can make some plans together later on once you both have some time to let everything sink in. This will make her think.

Go out and try your hardest to have a good time!

The thing that makes me feel kinda guilty is her entire family just left last night (just before we broke up) for Myrtle Beach! She is utterly alone without me (how I've been living for some time now) and I feel kinda guilty, even though I shouldn't...

Well truthfully the only thing you can do is follow what your heart says, not what you think it is saying or want it to say. Seriously think about everything and follow your own hearts advice, but make sure you still pay attention to your heads advice to and be careful.

Did she tell you why she fell out of love with you? If not she may just be using that as an excuse of some sort to try and cope with some kind of confusion or other feelings she is having. You guys were together for a long time, was this the first trully serious relationship she was in? That could definately cause her some confusion and make her question things, maybe she just needs to be reassured that she is with the right person. Also if this was her first serious relationship maybe she is curious as to what else is out there and what all she may have been missing. Maybe all she needs is a little time to think about stuff and sort through her feelings and to ultimately reassure herself that she already has something trully great and she will come back to you. Remember, love is one of the most confusing emotions if not the most confusing, if her love is true she will be back.

Anyways good luck to you and I hope you pull through this no matter what the outcome.

Remy

I'm going through the same thing right now. I also got the "falling out of love" and "lets still be friends" story. I was married for 7 years and we have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. We separated for about 7 months before we decided to give it another try. Well she moved out about a week after she came back. I guess we got used to living on our own. Unfortunately things don't work out. But its always harder when you have kids. I hope everything works out.

Stop F-ing feeling sorry for her and guilty!! She did this to herself! You need to do what's best for you and move on. You both need tough love, you from us and her from you. Right now she should be nothing more than the mother of your child!!! That's it. You have to look out for yourself no matter how miserable she or you may be, AGAIN SHE DID THIS TO HERSELF!!!!! I would not going on anything resembling a date for at least three months!!!! She has to figure out what she wants without you around. You feelings of simpathy are going to make you her crutch until she gets herself together, this has two negative affects. You get hurt by being played with and she takes longer to figure things out!!!!

Sorry but, Be a man and prepare to face the world without her!!! Maybe she is just efed up right now but you are the one being toyed with!!!

You are no different than a battered wife except she is mentally abusing as opposed to physical! Granted they are on different levels, but its the same basic concept!

-Andy

Sorry to hear about this.