Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives Forums General Common Interests lol@houston driving

this is way to true


1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Ewe-stun," not "Huestun". Oh yea, it is pronounced "San Phil-ee-pay," not "San Phil-eep" (San Felipe).

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston. We all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has no beginning and no end.

4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a "Scenic Drive."

5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.

7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.

8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena!!!"

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total right-of-way.

12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy.

13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.

14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.

15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by.

16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.

17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.

19. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else.This is how Houston residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built



If you don't live here, most of this will sound utterly insane, but to all of us who call this home this is nothing but the truth and you know it.

LMAO.....NOT!!!!

I've lived and/or driven often in DC, LA, Bay Area, Atlanta, Dallas, Chicago as well as a few large cities in Europe. Outside of Athens, Greece and Naples, Italy, I've yet to witness the lethal combination of bad traffic and even worse drivers, but Houston comes close. There may be a larger concentration of hacks with licenses and wheels somewhere in the US, but I've yet to witness it...

Houston hands-down takes the cake for being home to some of the most downright idiotic, breathtakingly stupid, flat-out moronic, vomit-inducing, mind-numbingly foolish, exponentially ignorant drivers in the US, and that's on a good day of traffic.

Whether it's dips**t poser oiler-hillbillies (urban rednecks in my vernacular) in jacked-up diesel Ford or Dodge trucks doing 5-lane changes in heavy traffic, homies in their "sleds" doing 40 in the left lane, hispanics who have NO license in ANY lane with lawn/construction equipment falling off their trailers, old Vietnamese ladies who haven't figured out why auto manufacturers placed mirrors on the Honda's or Acura's they are driving, high-school punks thinking that this type of environment "hones" their street-racing skills, or WASPy soccer-moms in every flavor of SUV attempting to violate every traffic-law known to man in order to pay more attention to the kids in the back-seat or their makeup in the mirror...

...we've got it all.

I now know why my insurance doubled when I left from KC to Houston, even with a spotless driving record; it's not me the insurance company is worried about, it's the multitude of idiots that are out on the roads...

You'll laugh, but there's a reason I absolutely REFUSE to hold meetings with customers before 10AM and after 3PM.

I never thought I would wistfully pine for the days of traffic and drivers in Atlanta...

You've obviously never driven in Boston.

Minus the lifted trucks, it's the same up here. Roads designed to hold 1/4 of the traffic they do, coupled with people who have 0 concept of traffic laws or... I dunno... looking where they're going.

I'm from the NE and this stuff is true! When it rains here that means you pull out in front of someone even sooner and spin your tires! For some reason around here if you own a Tahoe that means you can cut everyone off and weave in and out at will. Unless those kind of drivers gravitate towards Tahoes?

so true

I miss Houston..............NOT!

I might have to go to Houston eventually for work.
We're acquiring another company in runoff, so we'll need to learn their jobs before they're transitioned up here (same reason I had to go to Dallas in '04).
I'm the only accountant that has volunteered to go if needed. The other ones are like "Houston? no f'in way!"
meh, I'm oblivious.
Besides, someone else will be doing my driving.