Don't you love catchy subjects?!!
I've done a good deal of searches and wanted to run these questions by you brainiacs.

2000 SVT is yr/model, before I forget.
- Reverse lights do not work.
- Cruise control does not work (intermittent for a while, now it never works).
- Headlights (all lights?) dim at idle.
- On long right-handed on-ramps, when I am accellerating away from the apex and get mostly straight, if I'm wide open the car sometimes surges i.e. it loses power then gains it, loses it, gains it, and I've never had the nuts to hold it wide open longer than that...
Other than this particular situation it never surges.
- There is a cable with the part number ES88A which is disconnected, visible only if I pull up the leather around the shifter on the console. I can get pics easily if needed.
I've replaced the bulbs and checked the fuses for the headlights, fuses look fine (I'm pretty sure I even replaced them a while ago, but am not absolutely 100% sure). I looked online and in my haynes manual for ES88A but couldn't find anything.
My theory is that disconnected cable (from what?? I couldn't see anything w/o removing the console at least) is causing my car to be unable to sense which gear I'm in. Cruise control shuts off as a safety measure and the reverse lights don't work because the car doesn't know which gear I'm in.
Surging and the headlights dimming are probably because of the fuel pump. TourDeForce had a similar problem...
http://tinyurl.com/cryvkAm I off my rocker or somewhat close to the mark?