Got the car started this morning!!! I put the oil down in the cylinders (thank you for the guy that recommended that) last night and tried to start it, but the battery was still too low. Charged it overnight and it fired right up this morning.
Now my question is, I'm assuming it's normal for the car to smoke for a little while after starting it up since I poured oil down into the cylinder through the spark plug hole??? It was really heavy at first, but after idling for about 10 minutes it wasn't nearly as bad. I also spilled some oil on the block itself too, so I'm getting a little smoke from under the hood.
But let me tell you what...that car drives better now than it has over the past two years. It's obviously been needing plugs for a LONG time. It drives like a whole different car...more power, doesn't bog down under partial acceleration, etc. I'm interested to see if she (my fiancee) gets any better gas mileage now with it. Drives great, and no CEL! Hopefully it stops burning the oil soon and all will be good.
Thanks for everyone's help...couldn't have done it without it!