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Not too Happy about it but....

C

ctmystique

Hard-core CEG'er
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
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Location
Enfield, CT
I gonna be a Grandpa. It appears that one of my teenage daughter's has gotten herself knocked up. The "father" is still in highschool and has no job. I'm kinda pissed right now but I'm still her father so I'm not sure how to handle this. :mad:
 
I don't know what I would do in your shoes, I can only imagine how you feel. I guess all you can do is help her in this time.... Just make sure she stays in school!

oh and destroy the fathers life... Thats what I think I'd do.

Good luck in the future man.
 
Tough one. Perhaps it's too late, but don't get mad at her, otherwise, she may never feel like she can tell you anything again. Let her know that your there for her and will help her however you can.

edit: of course if we ever have a daughter I don't know how I would react to news like that.
 
Yep, just stay the course, man. Be there as I assume you always have, and you'll get through it together. Is this the one with the hot pink SVT -- didn't you have a daughter with one?
 
Definitely try and be positive for her. Make SURE she stays in school and help her along, but make sure she knows to take responsibility. Clearly she's already lacking in that department by getting pregnant in the first place, but sometimes a good kick in the crotch (like having a kid) is a reality check that could help her make the right decisions. Be wary of the father, and don't regret being cynical!

And on a less serious note...this means you're now REALLY old, heh.
 
my older brother had a kid at the age of 17...both he and the mother struggled because they were so young but my parents while shocked and disappointed in the irresponsibility of both party's, were still supportive...like you said you are still her father and you have to play the cards you are dealt...its definitely a tough situation, my niece is now 10 years old and is obviously a huge part of my brothers life and he's said that he wouldnt go back and change anything...
 
LauraSVT said:
Yep, just stay the course, man. Be there as I assume you always have, and you'll get through it together. Is this the one with the hot pink SVT -- didn't you have a daughter with one?
Click to expand...

No this isn not the girl with the SVT (which is not pink it's black). This is my next oldest girl Danielle. She is 18 and dropped out of school but is attending night school to get her diploma. She has a part time job at a clothing store.

zorrex said:
And on a less serious note...this means you're now REALLY old, heh.
Click to expand...

You wanna see old?? How 'bout I kick your A@# youngster!!
 
tough news.
but as it has been stated a few times, make sure she stays in school.

My sister in-law was a straight A student with a bright future and when she got pregnant (she was in her first year of college), she was given the option to stay in school and live with her mom and raise the kid until she was out of school. the father didnt want her to do that and made her drop out of school and move in with him.
now they have two kids and can barely afford food to feed them with.

as hard as it will be, do everything you can to help her through this.
 
I'll echo what's been said already.
Really tough news to deal with for sure.

I remember when my cousin got pregnant at a young age. My aunt/uncle were really upset, embarassed, etc, but with the support of most of the family, they were able to eventually come to grips with it all.
Her daughter is 8 now and is smart as a whip. She has a lot of great talents, and will go far in life.

The only mistake they've made, IMO, is my aunt/uncle have done TOO much to help my cousin raise her daughter. You should see them interact. It's more of a sister relationship than mom/daughter now because the daughter has her grandparents as authority figures (and she sees how they interact with my cousin).

My cousin has never been able to get on her feet well enough to move out on her own and raise her daughter.
She's just now starting a good life for herself, so hopefully she'll eventually be able to take her daughter rather than leave everything up to mom and dad.
Although at this point, I'm willing to bet they'll have a hard time letting go since they've pretty much raised her as their own.
Who knows.

Anyway, the only reason that I share that is in hopes that you don't make the same mistakes as them. I think it's great that they were supportive of her, but at the same time, I think they let things go too far. They should have pushed her to be more self-sufficient, but they never did, so she became accustomed to letting them come to her rescue (there's a lot more history there).

I can understand, as a parent, you love your kids and would do anything for them, but don't be afraid to give a bit of tough love either.
They won't learn any of life's hard lessons if they always have mom and dad to fall back on.
Be supportive, but also show her the way to become a responsible mom and adult, and insist that she follow through.
 
Yeah, That's the wat I feel too. I know I don't want to be raising another child. I already did that job (or so I thought). Do I make her move out and live on state aid and make her work hard as hell to get through this time, or let her stay in the house?? I almost think she would be better off on her own. At this point I don't know what the father's intentions are. Or his legal responsiblities are for that matter since he is 18. Of course I would help he out and be supportive, from a distance. Right now she is still covered under my healthcare plan but since she is not in school I don't know how long that will last before the insurance company will kick her off.
 
Since it hasn't been mentioned yet, I take it an abortion is out of the question?

(Sorry if I've offended anyone against it.)
 
ctmystique said:
Yeah, That's the wat I feel too. I know I don't want to be raising another child. I already did that job (or so I thought). Do I make her move out and live on state aid and make her work hard as hell to get through this time, or let her stay in the house??
Click to expand...
If she's out of the house, she's out of your guidance. That could lead to very bad things and a bad life for the kid. Not to mention "affordable" housing (Section 8 or not) are often in bad areas of the city and around bad influences.
I think she should stay in the house (as long as she is ok with it too) until she is ready - certainly until she has finished school, a full-time job and has her life in order.

I echo Kim that doing too much parenting for the child can cause bad feelings. I have two friends who have three kids together, two during college. They had a falling out with his parents because his parents helped out to the point of being invasive to their own parenting and decisions. It is an unfortunate circumstance and tough to juggle around.

I'm with you on not considering abortion. It will be tough for the next few years, but with some guidance and direction your daughter will have a good future.

I don't know of any support groups offhand, but there have got to be several out there to offer professional advice.

Good luck ... and, well, congrats!
 
make her move to mass and the state will pay for everything and anything shell want. lol.... i think its almost 1000 dollars a month.
 
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