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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,016
Hard-core CEG\'er
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OP
Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,016 |
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss' car. (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". (e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever
29: Pull out.
30: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the *** and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion.
The International Council of Manhood, Ltd
2006 Mazdaspeed6
1997 Yamaha YZF1000R Thunderace
1996 Volvo 850-R
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,974
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,974 |
AKA NVS SVT
98.5 Silver/Blue SVT#4553
Yeah it's modded
98 T-Red/Blue SVT Contour Totaled 06/05/06
03 3L,VCN 2000,CAT Cams,MSDS Headers w/Y-Pipe,XCal2 and lots more
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,193
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 3,193 |
I'd love to see you invoke some of those clauses!
Brad "Diva": 2004 Mazda 6s 5-door, Volcanic Red
Rex: 1988 Mazda RX-7 Vert, Harbor Blue.
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 733
Veteran CEG\'er
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Veteran CEG\'er
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 733 |
Rules to live by. End of story.
Is my car for sale? PM me if you're in South FL.
Originally posted by XKontour98: Haha that's awesome! Go GM!
YES, SIR!!!
General Aviation is Looking good right now...http://www.beapilot.com
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 5,600
Addicted CEG\'er
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Addicted CEG\'er
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 5,600 |
On another, but similar note, those man law Miller Light commercials rock!
#4559 of 6535 born on Feb 17, 1998
Black 1998.5 CSVT
FOR SALE [cleaning house]: SVT rear swaybar. Reasonable offer and its yours!
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,974
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 2,974 |
Originally posted by KingpinSVT: On another, but similar note, those man law Miller Light commercials rock!
Yes they do .
Aaron
AKA NVS SVT
98.5 Silver/Blue SVT#4553
Yeah it's modded
98 T-Red/Blue SVT Contour Totaled 06/05/06
03 3L,VCN 2000,CAT Cams,MSDS Headers w/Y-Pipe,XCal2 and lots more
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 5,143
Addicted CEG\'er
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Addicted CEG\'er
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 5,143 |
Oh god, I know whats coming next.
98 Corolla LE 1.8L DOHC 1ZZFE
TEIN H.Tech Springs
Tokico HP series Struts
Short ram air intake
Tsudo Axel Back Exhaust
... if a jelly fish stung me.. would you pee on the wound?
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 979
Veteran CEG\'er
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Veteran CEG\'er
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 979 |
Awesome laws you got their. Where's the one about romantic movies? There has to law on that somewhere.
My ride(Cardomain link) :
'95 Contour 16V Zetec DOHC, Teal , ATX
Born on Sep. 4, 1995
86+ miles
*LEDs mods are on their way!*
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 864
Veteran CEG\'er
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Veteran CEG\'er
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 864 |
Originally posted by KerryKool: Awesome laws you got their. Where's the one about romantic movies? There has to law on that somewhere.
A man may watch a romantic movie only in the company of his girlfriend/wife; and only if he is going to 'get some' afterwards. He can not shed a tear, but can comfort his woman; again only if it includes a romantic and phyysical interlude later in the evening. If you do cry, then you're a pansy.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,882
Hard-core CEG\'er
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Hard-core CEG\'er
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,882 |
Originally posted by Doppelg�¤nger: 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice, unless he is gay. Then a six-pack of wine coolers will be an acceptable substitute (actually, the money to buy said six-pack, as no real man would buy wine coolers under any circumstance).
Fixed!
BrApple-its all in the way it is presented...but everythign on my resume is all me
TexasRealtor-I hope you spelling improves on your resume.
MxRacer-ladies and gentlemen, welcome to ironyville. population, texasrelator.
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