What if WW2 had been an RTS game?

Contour Enthusiasts Group Archives

If World War Two had been an online Real Ttime Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this.

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*benny-tow has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats [censored] u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats [censored] u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha
benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
benny-tow: hahahh oh [censored] help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*benny-tow has been eliminated.*
benny-tow: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my [censored]
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
benny~tow: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
benny~tow: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this [censored] im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: [censored] now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
benny~tow: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
benny~tow: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o [censored]!
*paTTon has left the game.*

Holy crap.

I can't believe I laughed so hard at this!

Originally posted by Stazi:
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!

AHHHHahahahaha!!!!

Best lines of the whole thing!

That's pretty clever. Damn accurate online gaming chatter too!

Hahahaha

Hysterical. I gotta print this up for our Social Studies teacher.

That has been around for a loooooong time. Funny though, & worth an occasional re-read.

thanks for whoever originally posted this pic...it comes in handy.

Yeah, that's a classic.

FWIW Patton didn't actually die in a Jeep. And it wasn't Eisenhower who said, "Nuts."
/dork

I dont understand the history behind that. could you explain please?

During the Battle of the Bulge, the 101st Airborne was surrounded in Bastonge, Belgium. The Nazi General offered surrender to the 101st, and the General's reply was "Nuts!".

The 101st had very little ammo, food and lacked adequate clothing. The Germans had spanked everyone in their way on the way to Bastonge, which was a crucial crossroads. The 101st had little to nothign to fight with, but repelled every attack over a very cold winter.

It was one of the finest moments in American military history.

Patton was in an accident, but died of an embolism.

* I accidently put "jeep" in there as it was on my mind, but he was actually riding in a Caddy at the time.

Originally posted by Beowulf:
During the Battle of the Bulge, the 101st Airborne was surrounded in Bastonge, Belgium. The Nazi General offered surrender to the 101st, and the General's reply was "Nuts!".

The 101st had very little ammo, food and lacked adequate clothing. The Germans had spanked everyone in their way on the way to Bastonge, which was a crucial crossroads. The 101st had little to nothign to fight with, but repelled every attack over a very cold winter.

It was one of the finest moments in American military history.

Patton was in an accident, but died of an embolism.

* I accidently put "jeep" in there as it was on my mind, but he was actually riding in a Caddy at the time.

Im guessing you have watched Band of Brothers.

Originally posted by Tourige:

Im guessing you have watched Band of Brothers.

Yes, but I also am somewhat interested in history and prior to seeing Band of Brothers, I read an excellent account of WWII called "Delivered from Evil" by Robert Leckie. I have read other WWII books, but that is by far my favorite.

Originally posted by Beowulf:
During the Battle of the Bulge, the 101st Airborne was surrounded in Bastonge, Belgium. The Nazi General offered surrender to the 101st, and the General's reply was "Nuts!".

The 101st had very little ammo, food and lacked adequate clothing. The Germans had spanked everyone in their way on the way to Bastonge, which was a crucial crossroads. The 101st had little to nothign to fight with, but repelled every attack over a very cold winter.

It was one of the finest moments in American military history.

And of course the other ultimate quote from the seige of Bastogne was "They've got us surrounded, the poor bas*ards."

Quote:

Patton was in an accident, but died of an embolism... he was actually riding in a Caddy at the time.

Yeah, many people don't realize Patton never made it back to the States. He died in Dec. of 1945 after a truck driver cut off his car. Happened on a base in Germany. He hit his head on a metal part of the partition between the seats. The car is preserved at the Patton Museum in Fort Knox, KY, where I saw it a few years ago. Cool place to visit.

As for Leckie, I read his "The Wars of America" books in college. Two of the few assigned books I actually enjoyed reading.

Leckie writes good stuff, I also recommend his book "Helmet for a Pillow" which is about his time as a Marine in the Pacific theater.

Originally posted by Beowulf:

Originally posted by Tourige:

Im guessing you have watched Band of Brothers.

Yes, but I also am somewhat interested in history and prior to seeing Band of Brothers, I read an excellent account of WWII called "Delivered from Evil" by Robert Leckie. I have read other WWII books, but that is by far my favorite.

"Citizen Soldiers" by Stephen Ambrose is also particularly good, IMO.