My gf came home last night, back from going out with her friend Nancy and started talking about her night, etc, and then she tells me all about Nancy's boyfriend wanting to buy a brand new bedroom set and get rid of the one that he has now, which is only 3 years old and has a 3 month old mattress. Then she says this:

Her: Yeah, Nancy said her boyfriend is going to be selling his bedroom set. It's really nice, and I told her we'd buy it from him.

Me: You did what?

Her: Yeah, I told her we'd buy it all for like $100. (Now, this is a KING SIZE BED with a BRAND NEW mattress, a full oak dresser with a mirror, a nightstand, etc. $100? No way!)

Me: Umm...I think he's going to ask for a little more than $100. I can't get the money to buy a bedroom set! What's wrong with the one that we have now? (Which is the one that my grandmother got me when I moved in here, and it's not even a year old. It's a queen sized bed with a dresser with a nice wide mirror).

Her: Well, I don't like that one. We could just throw away that one and get another one. Or we could sell it on Ebay! (WTF?? Sell it on Ebay? How are you going to ship a bed and a dresser?)

This p****d me off because that's something my grandmother gave to me that she didn't have to. That's like having someone give you a fairly new car and then just giving it away to someone. Besides, she may be getting her hours cut, so why waste money when you don't have to? She always wants to buy new stuff when we already have stuff already...that's why she's got huge credit card bills because she buys new clothes all the time. What do you guys think? Am I over-reacting?

Just for reference, this is the same girl who says she doesn't want to watch shows on the Discovery Channel, History Channel or TLC because she has to learn stuff; she wants to watch TV shows where she doesn't have to pay attention to it or think about. Why watch TV if you're not going to pay attention to the show???

Okay Rynn, here's my opinion:

Girlfriend - Ensure you lay down all the rules and regulations regarding what you will/won't put up with before things get too far. If she's committing you to an expense you don't feel comfortable with, tell her to stick it. If you're slowly finding out you don't have as much in common as you first thought, the harsh truth is it might be time to move along.

Wife - These are tougher to deal with. They're securely in the door and they know it. Once you say "I do" you lose about 70% of your ammo when disagreeing. If you disagree too much, you'll lose about 70% of everything you have owned, own or hope to own in the future.

You can't easily get out of a "wife" situation, but you can handily control a "girlfriend" one. I'd start oozing her to the door immediately. Before long, she'll get the picture. Sounds to me you may not enjoy this coupling as much as you once did and it may be time to do something about it.

HTH

you're not overreacting a single bit.
not at all.
that is totally ridiculous that she offered to buy something that you most likely would have to help pay for without asking you first, it would be afterall half yours since you'd have to sleep on it and stuff.
and like you said, you have a new set of furniture already, there is no point in getting rid of it especially when money may be tight.

Yes I understand there has to be compromise in relationships, I practice it quite well in fact, but I believe you definitely have to put your foot down on this one.
this is a materialism vs. practicality issue.
wants vs. NEEDS.

stand your ground and refuse to budge.
(if I find out you let her change your mind with her female tricks, I'm gonna drive over there and kick you in the ass!)

Originally posted by Rynn:

Her: Yeah, I told her we'd buy it all for like $100. (Now, this is a KING SIZE BED with a BRAND NEW mattress, a full oak dresser with a mirror, a nightstand, etc. $100? No way!)

Me: Umm...I think he's going to ask for a little more than $100. I can't get the money to buy a bedroom set! What's wrong with the one that we have now? (Which is the one that my grandmother got me when I moved in here, and it's not even a year old. It's a queen sized bed with a dresser with a nice wide mirror).


You're right. a) he probably wouldn't take $100 for all of it. b) if you already have something, why look for something else? c) She's trading something almost brand new for something old, with the matresses that her friend and her friend's BF have spilled bodily fluids on no doubt.


Her: Well, I don't like that one. We could just throw away that one and get another one. Or we could sell it on Ebay! (WTF?? Sell it on Ebay? How are you going to ship a bed and a dresser?)


Dump her! Dump her now!

Just for reference, this is the same girl who says she doesn't want to watch shows on the Discovery Channel, History Channel or TLC because she has to learn stuff; she wants to watch TV shows where she doesn't have to pay attention to it or think about. Why watch TV if you're not going to pay attention to the show???[/QB]


One of my brother's GFs was like this. She came over to his place and decided that the guitar that my dad got him for his 16th birthday was too old. She bought him a brand new guitar and sold his old one to some guy she barely knew. He had to hunt down the guy who bought the guitar and traded the new one for his old one.

She hated shows that had to deal with learning or using your knowledge. It was cartoons and sitcoms for her all the way. She even hated game shows. And it showed....

I assume she has to be a knock-out of a woman for you to tolerate such stupidity.
WTF???????????
Unless you are only interested in her love hole and not her mind, I suggest you moving on to something better.
I can't believe how can someone put up with that **** :rolleyes:

Women always want new stuff. They are never satisfied with what they have. There is nothing you can do about it.

I just bought my wife a car last year, now she wants a new car again. I would love to give here anything she wants, but I don't make enough money to afford that kind of life style.

If your bed room set is important to you because your grandmother got it for you, then you just need to explain that over and over in different ways until she get it. If she doesn't get it, well then.....

ugh
I realize we're all kind of overgeneralizing and obviously not ALL women are like this but god, why are chicks so messed in the head?!!!!
more specifically why are they so materialistic?!
I just don't get it.

this is why I have no girlfriends.
chicks are totally irrational in everything they do. there's no rhyme or reason to any of their actions. and they refuse to listen to reason as well.
what the hell!


I dunno if you should be so severe and dump her as some people keep suggesting, but you definitely need to try to pound some reason and logic into her head by communicating to her what you just expressed above.

Rynn - Run.

HYPOTHETICAL

R - That's fine (GF'sName), you can pay him the $100 for his old bedroom set.

GF - What do you mean I can pay him.

R - Well, I don't want it. But you can buy it if you like it.

GF - But what about the set we have now.

R - Exactly.

I don't believe that I would go so far as dumping her over $100, but I would set down some rules. What good is having the king bed going to be if you will be sleeping on the couch because you pissed her off?

A king bed is nice though. Perhaps, if there aren't any stains ( :p ) on her friends matress, you could use the frame, and matress so you could have the king, and then sell the rest of her friends stuff?

For real, sorry Rynn, she sounds really stupid. No [blank] is THAT good!

C'mon guys, let's keep it clean

Sex is not an issue for me. I love her, I think she's beautiful, but her attitude towards not wanting to have to learn things, not wanting to know current events, etc, bothers me, as well as thinking that we need new things without consulting the checkbook first. :p

I just bought a house. Several things NEED to be done. The porch and Garage NEED new windows and siding.

After we first looked at the house my girl comes outside and says: We NEED to redo the bathroom (which was perfectly fine) and we NEED to finish the basement.

I don't know if all women, or just the ones I've dated over my 23 years on this earth (I was a pimp as a toddler ) seem to decide that if they WANT something, it automatically becomes a NEED and all logic goes out the window. This explains why so many women buy thousands of dollars of stuff because it's on sale and so they are saving money.

Take the Wal-Mart by our house for instance. I go in, straight to what I NEED, grab it, straight to the register, and out.

She goes in, mills around for hours looking at completely useless items that we don't need, or that would replace something that doesn't need replaced, and comes out spending way too much money (my money) on junk.

The funny thing is that on the rare occasions that we go shopping and she is buying, she is as frugal as can be. She only wastes my money

Same here. We NEEDED a china cabinet because she decided to buy some china. Sorry, we didn't need the china in the first place...now you want to buy a $150+ cabinet for it? Sad thing is I ended up buying it because I just couldn't stand listening to her bark about it every day, especially after I got my income tax and bought those SE rims from Chris Hightower; she made me feel guilty and said that since I got something for me she should be able to get the china cabinet.

All this comes down to are different Priorites. My wife and I deal with this all the time. I want to finish my car, she want's a 5K camera to start a business. Neither of us have the money to do all this overnight. If we plan and save then OK we can do it.

Rynn -Your girlfriend just wants it because it's different and something new. Same with the cloths, I would recommend telling her that you aren't spending your money on that you'd rather spend the 100 on a Credit Card Bill that she has run up.

The question of the day is why are you letting her buy China and a China Cabinet. It's obvious you want her to stick around for a while so you both need to start playing on the same team or get it finished over and done with.

Explain your views to her calmly, generalize as much as possible, (I.E. We spend too much; not You spend to much) making pointed remarks is a hard thing not to do. If she starts doing it during the discussion to try and end it ignore them. Continue explaining the situation until a resolution is met. Also with the current economic climate it might be a good idea to put the Credit Cards in a drawer if your using them as a borrowing tool instead of a cash management tool.

dump her now. One day it's a newer and better bed, the next day it's a newer and better man!!!

Rynn - Her looks will be shot one day, and you'll still have to live with her empty head.

Never marry someone who's not your intellectual equal; you'll regret it always...

Her inability or unwillingness to live within her/your means is a serious issue. You probably have had a few chats about it before, but you need to have a serious conversation about money.

Now on the other hand, her not wanting to stay in touch with current events or watch educational TV shows is not an issue. That is your problem if you are letting trivial **** like that bother you.

Good luck man.

Where the heck did you get a $140 china cabinet. Ours was 10X that much.

TB
Lived over 30 years without a China Cabinet, Dust Ruffles or Pillow Shams, then I got married.

Dust Ruffle:

http://www.hgtv.com/HGTV/project/0,1158,DEID_project_5180,00.html

Pillow Sham:

http://sewing.about.com/library/weekly/aa021299.htm

TB

Sadly, I know what they are, I sold them at a department store I worked at for awhile :rolleyes:

anyway back onto this off-topic. I think you might want to talk to her about this whole thing ASAP. If your bedroom set (or part of it) you are emotionally attached to, than by all means put your foot down. I am unsure how long you have been with her but it seems it's not fair in terms of the financies or otherwise. If you aren't on the same mental plain as her it might be wise to shop around, in the long term when you get older it's a good idea having someone you can have a deep conversation with.

take my advice with a grain of salt, I have basically been single for the past 3 years or so

Kim, I am convinced you must be a woman in a man's body (no offense)

-Pete

ROFLMAO, Tony!!

I never realized the way that window valences can set off a room just so until I got married!

Thanks for the laugh.

Rynn-
What's the positives with your lady? From what I hear on this post, I fear for your future. Behaviors (i.e. spending money) can be worked on over time. Attitude issues (not caring about your feelings for grandma and her gift, not wanting to be bothered with using her brain) are not things that are usually going to change, and issues with the attitude will rear up over time as you come across new situations in your lives together. Question is, can you deal with this?

Wish the best for you,

Jay

lol none taken I guess.
er did you mean to say a man in a woman's body?
I mean, I'm not THAT mannish looking...

I'm sorry to hear about your current situation. But like people have been saying, put your foot down and explain that your bedroom set it fine. And on top of that, it's special to you. That right there is enough reason to keep it.

oh man, this is roflmoa... :p only because its true.




On another note, women are money grubbing, and always want to spend your money, unless they truely respect you. I only know this because all my ex-girlfriends wanted me to spend money on them except one, and that one is still head-over-heals for me )even though I hardly spent a dime on her.

Q: What's 2 inches wide, 5 1/2 inches long, and drives women wild?

A:The dollar bill.

Ok, update!

I sat her down and told her calmy and firmly that if there was a good reason for us to throw away a perfectly good bedroom set and/or sell it to buy a used, but bigger and more "fancy" one, with money we don't have, to tell me right there. (Insert 1 minute silence). That pretty much ended that discussion right there, as she couldn't really give a good reason.

Of course, the "not wanting to learn anything" problem will always be there. :rolleyes:

when i first read this, i began to think.. "hmm.. she might be blonde?? doesn't wannalearn and pay attention" (no offense). But then she wants to buy thing that are not needed! shesh. My g/f used to try and do that a lot with me, but i told her we need to save up. Especially since we gettin a kid. Sure we have our hobbies, and stuff that we like, but we need to cut down. If you want it, you give a good reason why we should get it. Especially since i pay most of the freakin time. Well.. just my .02

Be leery of anyone who disses out on watching Shark Week to watch crapola.

Pull the ripcord while you can!

Those 2 sites are more disturbing than anything on rotten.com

Those 2 sites are more disturbing than anything on rotten.com

how can someone NOT watch TLC, HIST, DISC Health, Disc... etc... ( oh and animal planet) I LOVE all the useless knowledge I gain from those shows. Those are my favorite channels ..

Well,

I watch Spongebob Squarepants with my girl.

But then she's my 3year old daughter.

TB

You're the kind of daddy I hope to be one day

Spongebob Squarepants ROOLZ! Actually even at 21 I find the show humerous, hard to say about most crappy cartoons nowadays.

Kim, I meant to say "A Man in a woman's body" I guess that whole not sleeping for 36 hrs thing effected me.

Glad to hear it worked out Rynn

Since I've hijacked this thread too, I think Spongebob is a sitcom for kids.

Significant social commentary and of course, there is usually a moral in every story as well.

Almost as good as Bugs Bunny was when I was a kid.

TB
37 years of watching cartoons.

LOL - sounds like my daughter and I.

Have her buy it, and put it the garage, guest room or storage.

Are ya ready, kids?

I put on Pirate Pete's voice and my kids and I drive along singing the Spongebob theme song!

How would you Know!

LOL!

Good Luck Rynn! She won't change so if it bothers you that much you really should move on. better no than later.

Sponge Bob Square pants RULZ JUO!

-Andy

Rynn, good way to handle it, let's hope it sticks. Anyone here ever take the Meyers-Briggs personality test or something similar? Tests like this help us to understand how we make decisions. In your GF's case, sounds like she's more of an emotional decision maker than a logical decision maker. I learned this during my pre-marital counselling, that when it comes to decisions, my wife ultimately relies more on how she feels than any logical sequence of rules and regulations, whereas I am more logic oriented in my decisions. This doesn't mean my wife doesn't understand the logic and my reasoning, but in the end she still feels the way she does about it and that's her primary decision method, whereras no matter how I may feel about it, my logic sequences will ultimately overrule how I feel about something. This isn't a 100% thing all of the time, sometimes I can impulse buy just like anyone else, but overall, this is part of our personality make ups and it helps to understand all this when you get into a marriage. It's good to see that you guys could sit down and deal with it calmly (took me about 4 years to learn how to do this and we still get in arguments over her emotional spending). In the end I learned that, since I'm a peacemaker by default, I'd bail her out almost every time, which prevented her from ever having to bear consequences of bad decisions. Now, when she overspends and runs out of money, she has to solve the problem herself (I should mention here that we no longer use credit cards), i.e. take things back, appeal to the higher court for additional funds (I'm the judge here), generate additional monies somehow, etc. I know it probably sounds bad, but the basic idea is entirely sound, that if we don't bear consequences for our actions, we have no motivation to change. Since you seem to be a peacemaker and give in from time to time, I figured I'd relay my bad experience with peacemaking and the faulty logic that it utilizes. All that said, best of luck in your relationship, none are perfect, and opposites often attract, which makes for difficult areas of conflict, but great makeup times!

I took the Jung Typology test and I got similar result to a test like this that I took a year or two ago; I'm always shown as a "Protector" or ISFJ:

- slightly expressed introvert

- slightly expressed sensing personality

- slightly expressed feeling personality

- moderately expressed judging personality

ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life. (Since ISFJs, like all SJs, are very much bound by the prevailing social conventions, their form of "service" is likely to exclude any elements of moral or political controversy; they specialize in the local, the personal, and the practical.)
ISFJs are often unappreciated, at work, home, and play. Ironically, because they prove over and over that they can be relied on for their loyalty and unstinting, high-quality work, those around them often take them for granted--even take advantage of them. Admittedly, the problem is sometimes aggravated by the ISFJs themselves; for instance, they are notoriously bad at delegating ("If you want it done right, do it yourself"). And although they're hurt by being treated like doormats, they are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that although they deserve more credit than they're getting, it's somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work (which is supposed to be a virtue in itself). (And as low-profile Is, their actions don't call attention to themselves as with charismatic Es.) Because of all of this, ISFJs are often overworked, and as a result may suffer from psychosomatic illnesses.

In the workplace, ISFJs are methodical and accurate workers, often with very good memories and unexpected analytic abilities; they are also good with people in small-group or one-on-one situations because of their patient and genuinely sympathetic approach to dealing with others. ISFJs make pleasant and reliable co-workers and exemplary employees, but tend to be harried and uncomfortable in supervisory roles. They are capable of forming strong loyalties, but these are personal rather than institutional loyalties; if someone they've bonded with in this way leaves the company, the ISFJ will leave with them, if given the option. Traditional careers for an ISFJ include: teaching, social work, most religious work, nursing, medicine (general practice only), clerical and and secretarial work of any kind, and some kinds of administrative careers.

While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well. When these include Es who want to socialize with the rest of the world, or self-contained ITs, the ISFJ must learn to adjust to these behaviors and not interpret them as rejection. Being SJs, they place a strong emphasis on conventional behavior (although, unlike STJs, they are usually as concerned with being "nice" as with strict propriety); if any of their nearest and dearest depart from the straight-and-narrow, it causes the ISFJ major embarrassment: the closer the relationship and the more public the act, the more intense the embarrassment (a fact which many of their teenage children take gleeful advantage of). Over time, however, ISFJs usually mellow, and learn to regard the culprits as harmless eccentrics :-). Needless to say, ISFJs take infinite trouble over meals, gifts, celebrations, etc., for their loved ones--although strong Js may tend to focus more on what the recipient should want rather than what they do want.

Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.) Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance, an ISFJ child may be reproved for "sulking," the actual cause of which is a combination of physical illness plus misguided "good manners." An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they "didn't want to burden anyone with." Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem.